


The Painted Mirror

by fallenangel32



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Depression, Developing Friendships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Miscarriage, Modern Girl in Thedas, Mutism, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Psychological Trauma, Secret Admirer, Secret Crush, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-imposed insomnia, Torture, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenangel32/pseuds/fallenangel32
Summary: Meet Eleyne - abused, depressed, desperate for a fresh start. She stumbles upon an interesting painting.(This chapter may, or may not have been inspired by 'Rose Madder' by Stephen King)A 30 something woman from Earth, unlucky in most things, finds something that will take her away from her world and current situation. How will she fare in Thedas?*****************************************************************************************************************Note :- She doesn't know anything about Thedas and/or the Dragon Age games. She obviously cannot fight or defend herself very well.*****************************************************************************************************************Please DON'T forget to VOTE!





	1. Fresh start

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Difficult Choices](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923598) by [kimpossible](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimpossible/pseuds/kimpossible). 
  * Inspired by [Overloaded](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487133) by [salesman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salesman/pseuds/salesman). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Eleyne - abused, depressed, desperate for a fresh start. She stumbles upon an interesting painting.
> 
> (This chapter may, or may not have been inspired by 'Rose Madder' by Stephen King)
> 
> A 30 something woman from Earth, unlucky in most things, finds something that will take her away from her world and current situation. How will she fare in Thedas?  
> *****************************************************************************************************************  
> Note :- She doesn't know anything about Thedas and/or the Dragon Age games. She obviously cannot fight or defend herself very well.  
> *****************************************************************************************************************
> 
> Please DON'T forget to VOTE!
> 
> This fanfic now has a cover, the link is in the notes at the end of chapter one.

 

* * *

 

It had been six months since Eleyne had fled from her abusive marriage. Things were difficult for her at first, finding a job, finding a place to live. Surviving had become difficult. The nights were especially difficult, with her having horrific nightmares about her 11 year marriage, and all the abuses suffered within.

She went to her support group once a week, but never actually spoke up, beyond introducing herself at the start. She was afraid of how the others would see her if she recounted the various abuses and humiliations she had suffered at the hands of her husband.

None of her friends in her old life had known what a monster he was. How cruel he was behind locked doors. They never saw the bruises, heard her begging him to stop, they never saw her bleeding on the floor. They thought he was the perfect husband, that they were the ultimate couple to look up to.

She still flinched whenever a man came too close to her. She couldn't stand her reflection in the mirror. Instead of looking at her reflection, she just looked at whatever she was focusing on, if she was styling her hair, for example, she would only focus on her hair, if she was applying a little lipstick, she would only look at her lips. Suffice it to say, she thought herself ugly, she wasn't fat, or skinny, but simply somewhere in between. Shoulder length mousy brown hair, with bright blue eyes and lightly tanned skin, a few freckles scattered over her (in her mind, too big) nose and cheeks, lips that appeared slightly too full for her face.

Realizing she was going to be late for work, she hurried, grabbing her bag and cellphone, locking the door to her new apartment. Hurrying in to the lobby of the small hotel she worked in as a chambermaid she almost ran to the staff locker room, to change into her uniform. Having done so, she went to collect the trolley with cleaning supplies. She was supposed to be paired with another girl, whose name escaped her at the moment, but the girl had called in sick several times and was in danger of losing her job.

She proceeded to start cleaning rooms as she always had. Her employer understood her need to rest after cleaning a few rooms, years of her husband kicking and punching her kidneys and back had caused severe damage, and she was lucky if by the end of the day she was not peeing blood or hunched over with back pains.

Several hours later she decided to check out the local pawn shop during her lunch hour for any furniture or amenities she may need for her apartment. She spotted a strange, very dusty painting at the back of the shop, but dismissed it as it looked expensive and she did not have any money to spare on such luxuries. She found several things she needed, a chair and desk, a used radio that was still in good working condition, and a worn looking sofa. She could not afford a television yet, but didn't mind as much. Soon, she thought. Soon.

Her mind kept drifting to the painting as she filled in her address on the delivery notice, then her eye fell on her rings, the wedding and engagement set she had forgotten she was wearing. She proposed to the owner of the store to trade her wedding set for the painting at the back of the shop. He asked her if he should deliver the painting with the rest of the things, but she said “No, I will take it home myself now.”

“Alright”, said the owner, making note of the delivery cost and the time to deliver to her apartment.  
She went to take the painting, noticing the back was wrapped with strange paper, it was much larger than she had anticipated but she carried it home nonetheless.  
She simply placed the painting in her bedroom, against the wall across from her bed. Deciding there will be more than enough time to admire it after work, she locked her apartment up again and went back to work.

Upon returning home, with her simple take-out dinner in hand, she entered the apartment, kicking her shoes off. She went to fix herself a cup of tea, while waiting for the water to boil, a knock at the door startled her, she went to answer, only to find the delivery men of the pawn shop with her furniture, they placed the furniture where she instructed them to, and left after she gave them each a $5 tip.

She went to look at the painting for a bit, the area the painting showed had a greenish tint to it, beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. What disconcerted her the most, what that there appeared to be twin moons in the painting, instead of the single moon earth had. She felt very nervous after staring at the painting for a little while. Hearing the whistle on her tea-pot she left her room, and the painting behind, for now.

After drinking her tea, she had a nice hot shower, changing into comfortable pajamas, she ate her dinner slowly while re-reading one of her favorite novels. After a while she decided to go to bed, after setting the alarm on her phone, she lied down and tried to go to sleep, only to startle awake about an hour later, confused she looked around her room. “Why is it so bright?” Thinking she was still half asleep, she turned over and pulled her comforter over her head to block out the light she was sure she was imagining.

The next morning, not having much time, she had some breakfast, washed her dishes quickly before taking a shower and heading to work again.

That night, after having read some more after dinner, while listening to the radio, she thought she heard scratching noises come from the painting. Thinking she was simply over-tired, she ignored it and went to bed several hours later, only to be woken up by the same light as the night before, now only brighter. To her shock she realized it was coming from INSIDE the painting. She examined the painting all over, but could find nothing out of the ordinary other than the bright light emanating from seemingly nowhere.

She went back to sleep, again with her comforter over her head.

The next day was Saturday, and as it was her day off, she spent the morning cleaning her apartment and doing her laundry in the laundromat closest to her building. When she came home, she put away the clothes, not feeling hungry after her busy morning, she decided to take nice long nap. When she woke up, it was dark already, her stomach was growling loudly by this point, so she cooked herself a simple dinner, washed the dishes and settled down to read her book.

Several chapters later, she decided to go to sleep, what else to do on your weekend off, after all?

Just before climbing into bed, she peered at the painting, noticing something was different about it, staring at it for a while, she realized that she could see the top of a large framed mirror, off the centre to the right now, as if the point of view of the artist had changed. On a whim, she threw one of her spare sheets over the painting, to cover up the light, if it should show up again tonight. Not thinking about this any longer, she simply went to sleep.

 

The following morning she woke up, curious again about the painting, she took down the sheet, and was intrigued to find that she could see even more of the mirror now. It seemed strange to her, very large, with an identical wolf on either side, howling as if to the moon.

She had the whole Sunday to herself, and decided to spend it outside, she walked around for a while, doing some window shopping, watching people enjoy their Sunday, the day seemed to be so peaceful and calm. Until she stepped around a corner, and saw the last person she ever wanted to see again. Her husband.

She turned on her heel and ran in the opposite direction, heart beating faster than she had ever noticed before. Only checking behind her to make sure he was not following her, she ran all the way to her apartment. “How did he find me? How did he get so close?” she panicked.

Locking and bolting her door, she sat against it, crying, thinking she will have to move, and find a new job, a new place, about everything she lost. She had no family to turn to, she was an orphan, and he knew it, he took advantage of it. Telling her several times that if it wasn't for him she'd have been dead years ago.

Tears streaming down her face, she eventually cried herself to sleep, sitting against the door all the while. She started awake several hours later, her body feeling the effects of sleeping upright, on the floor, against the hard door for so long.

She took a shower, once again breaking down in fear that he would force her back into her old life, crying on the floor of the shower, after a while, pulling herself together, changing into sweat pants and a t-shirt and getting into bed. Several hours later she woke up, light streaming into her room once more.

Squaring her shoulders she went to stare straight at the painting, shocked as she could hear forest creatures and animals. Lifting her hand to try and touch the mirror, shocked when her hand went right through. Stooping slightly, she pulled up her big girl panties, and walked INTO the painting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cover for my fanfic, made for me by the very kind and talented Andrew Christopher Heard
> 
> THANK YOU :)
> 
> https://www.wattpad.com/user/AndrewHeard8


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in a very strange and curious place, Eleyne is frightened beyond measure. Unable to communicate with those that find her, she is feeling lonely and lost.
> 
> Voting link at the end of chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read Chapter 1 -- you guys are great
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left kudo's - brought tears to my eyes :)
> 
> I will try to update once a week.

She woke up with a start, wondering how she had come to this place. Realizing it was rather dark, wherever she appeared to be, looking up, she could see what appeared to be a abandoned/decayed city, far above her, also what appeared to be floating rocks everywhere, but what most disconcerting, was the green mist and glow that appeared to be everywhere. The place, whatever it was called, frightened her immensely, though she could not explain why.

Realizing she was vastly unprepared for any kind of travel, but could not stay there either, she wonkily got to her feet and tried to walk a few steps, only to realize that it was very painful stepping on her right foot, probably a strained ankle.

Tearing some strips from the bottom of her nightgown, she wrapped her ankle snugly, thinking she might seek medical treatment as soon as she could find a way out of wherever she appeared to be at the moment.

Taking a few experimental steps seemed to be fine, so she started walking, trying to map out the place as much as she could, so as not to get lost completely, only to discover that as soon as she thought she knew where she was, things shifted and changed.

She was becoming tired, her ankle was aching, and she was apparently lost, trying to calm down, she decided to sit down for a while, until she saw something different in the distance, thinking that it might be a way out, she shuffled her way to what appeared to be a tear in the landscape of this strange place, reaching out to touch it, she was surprised when her hand went right through.

With her hand still in the tear, she tried to pay closer attention to the tear (?) or whatever it may be. She realized that she could see steps leading up to what appeared to be a ruined tower as well as trees she could not identify through it, but there was nothing like that on the reverse side of the tear. She pushed a little more of her arm through the tear, and was surprised when her whole body went through next. 

Screaming in agony as she hit the ground, she realized that she must have broken a bone, or a few on her way down. The pain steadily increasing, she tried lifting her body off the ground, only to find strangely clothed people staring at her. A woman, looking very stern, with a sword drawn and what appeared to be a shield, strapped to her back, as well as a short stocky man, with a crossbow. On the other side were another woman, with a very strange and seemingly familiar green glow emanating from her left hand. And a very tall, slender man, nothing seemed remarkable about him, until her eyes reached his face, he had very long, pointed ears. Feeling very self-conscious of her nightgown that now only reached to the middle of her thighs, she blushed severely.

Laughing a little due to shock, thinking to herself, “This is not real, elves don't exist, they are just figments of some writers imagination.” Coughing a little after her laughing fit, she wiped her lips, feeling liquid upon them, only to realize that she was coughing up blood. Staring at the blood for a few seconds, she paled significantly and started swaying. The man (elf?) kneeling close to her placing what appeared to be a staff on the ground, ran his hands over her as if checking her injuries. She stared at him in shock as she noticed his hands glowing a soft blue, before promptly passing out.

When she next woke, she was expecting the pain from before to return, but to her shock, nothing. Wondering if the people she had encountered had perhaps given her something for the pain, she looked around at where she was, she was in a small tent, sitting very still, the slender man from before came walking in, she took one look at his ears, and promptly passed out again.

When next she woke, she was very much alone, which she was grateful for, at the moment, unfortunately this did not last long, the two women from before, entered the tent and started speaking to her. She stared at them in confusion, realizing they weren't speaking ANY language she was familiar with, as she tried to speak to try to tell them that she could not understand them, she realized something. Her voice was GONE.

Panicking, she opened and closed her mouth several times, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes when she realized they had filled with helpless tears. Giving into her despair at being stuck in a very weird place, with even stranger people, she covered her face with her hands and sobbed. The last thing she heard was one of the women call for someone apparently named Solas, before leaving her alone in the tent again.

She heard the women speaking to someone outside of the tent, deciding to simply lie down again, it was not long before she cried herself to sleep. It seemed this was going to be a difficult place to adjust to and live in. She would try to be strong, she was sure of it, sometime in the future, but for now, she could not help herself. One positive thought ran through her mind. “At least he won't be able to find me here, wherever here is.” This thought made her feel slightly better, if not happier.

Cassandra - 

“I want her bound, at the very least until we return to Haven, and we can determine if she is a threat or not.” She was infuriated that only the Herald seemed willing to agree with her, Varric and the apostate, Solas told her such measures were unnecessary. 

“She may be dangerous, or possibly even a spy for who or whatever caused the breach”, Cassandra almost yelled at Varric.

“I've experienced first hand how you treat prisoners, Seeker, it's not pretty.” Varric said quietly.

“Nobody is going to mistreat her, but we need to be certain about her, Leliana will see to it she is investigated.”

“I hope you're right Seeker, lets hope the accomodations are nicer than when the Herald was a guest there.

Eleyne -

When next the scary woman from before came into the tent, she had rope in her hands, Eleyne was terrified, but could still not speak. Her hands were bound tightly together in front of her, she was pulled to her feet, and made to walk behind the dark haired woman. Confused, she kept walking behind her until instructed to stop. 

She sleeps when they make camp. She eats when food is given, her hands are always bound again, after. One of the scary women follows her when she needs to relieve herself. She lets her mind drift on the journey, until they arrived in what appeared to be a town or village. She was lead into what appeared to be a church, taken downstairs, made to stop, shoved into what appeared to be a dark, damp cell, the rope unwound from her wrists, and shackled with heavy iron manacles, and promptly left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Does Eleyne get the special Leliana treatment while being held?](https://vote.pollcode.com/94949192)
> 
>  
> 
> 15/10/2018 - You guys voted 'YES' to the tender ministrations of Leliana.
> 
> The next chapter should be up in a day or so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter went far faster than I thought it would :-)  
> ********************************************************************************************************************************  
> Terrified of the dark, Eleyne is subjected to the tender ministrations of Leliana, will she be the same woman when she emerges?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might or might not have more chapters than I originally planned on. I will go where the wind or in this case, story takes me :)
> 
>  
> 
> Any thoughts, advice, comments are very much welcome. I welcome criticism, in fact I think I might need it. 
> 
> As always, thanks for any and all kudo's, comments, bookmarks, hits - these make me a very very happy girl.

Left alone in the dark, she was terrified, not simply because of the strange place, but also because ever since she was a child, she had been fearful of the dark. Her mother used to tell her to grow up, that she would never grow up if she was afraid of the dark, of course, she never told her mother about her fears again, since her mother downplayed them as being childish.

She wondered if anyone was curious about what happened to her, if anyone was worried about her.

After a while her eyes seemed to be getting used to the darkness of the cell, slowly, she could make out a thin cot on the one side of the room and a pail for apparent use as a chamberpot. She decided to try and lie down on the cot for a while, it was horrendously uncomfortable, and she was cold. She could not see or find any blankets, so she lied down on her side, with her knees pulled up to her chest to try and warm up her body as much as she could.

She had no way of knowing how much time passed, but after a while, a guard appeared to patrol in the dungeon, checking on her, and then leaving again. Thinking that she must be the only prisoner only having guards make patrols now and then, seemed to make sense, to her at least. She continued trying to use her voice, but not even a squeak would emerge from her lips, frustrated she closed her eyes and fell promptly asleep.

Several hours later, she was awoken by someone yanking her up by the shackles, and moving her to a different room, after so long in darkness, her eyes squinted at the brightness of the torch in front of her. They removed the shackles and tied her hands with rope, high above her head, she knew her wrists would be damaged if she did not stand on the tips of her toes, to keep herself balanced.

A petite woman with red hair, and ice cold blue eyes started asking her questions, she could not understand a single word being spoken, she tried to tell this to the woman, which only resulted in said woman becoming furious with her, and barking out an order.

Gasping soundlessly as the ENTIRE pail of ICE cold water was thrown over her, her teeth clattering as her body tried to adjust to the sensation of being far too cold. Her eyes pleaded with the woman that she could not understand, or even speak but the woman simply continued with her line of unintelligible questions. Helpless, she felt tears forming behind her eyes, and when they began to fall, the woman in front of her lost it, barking out another order she felt someone hit her hard against her ribs, her body being stretched as it was, it hurt immeasurably. 

After they had hit her a few times, she must have passed out because she woke up back in her cell, her hands shackled once again, on the floor, near the cell door was what appeared to be a bowl of food, with a cup of water next to it. Hungrily she devoured the food and water and climbed back on the cot, indulging in feeling sorry for herself and simply let go and crying herself to sleep.

Waking up again, feeling as though she was trapped in some kind of nightmare, she was face to face again with the red headed woman from before. Her eyes and demeanor ice cold, she was dragged to the same room as before, and subjected to the same treatment, only to wake again in her cell.

The next day, things were very different, they were intent on finding more answers, so they started intensifying their treatment of her, this time the started pulling out the nails on her right hand starting with her little finger. It was extremely painful, but she could not scream, nor make a sound, the only thing she could do was thrash wildly against her restraints, this made the woman even angrier, and she gripped Eleyne's throat before she felt the other person, whoever they were beating her ribs in the same way as before. Ragged, soundless sobs shook her entire body, but they would not relent, this time she did not have the mercy of passing out but felt every agony they wracked upon her body, for hours on end. 

This treatment continued for several days, she was unsure of how long, only that they would come and take her, brutalize her, and then put her back in a cell, after a while she realized she was not receiving food anymore, but a cup of water every now and again. After some days, and more harsh treatment from the cruel and cold woman, she realized she was losing a lot of weight. 

When next they came for her, she was unable to move with them, so they dragged her, dislocating her shoulder in the process, she had never felt such pain and trashed wildly in their grip, only to have a mailed fist strike her right across the cheekbone, it felt like her eye was going to pop out, the pain was very intense. She stopped fighting and simply complied, tears streaming down her face.

This time however when they took her back to her cell, it appeared her injuries were worse, she was having difficulty moving at all, and lying down was painful, it felt like something popped in her side, and suddenly she was having difficulty in breathing. She tried rattling the cell door so the guard would come and check on her, but she was not strong enough, banging the cup against the bars, she held on as her vision started to fade, kneeling in front of the cell door now, she was barely banging the tin cup against the bars. The last thing she was aware of, was the cell door opening and someone picking her up carefully and carrying her out in the sunshine. She did not even have the strength left to protect her eyes, she saw the concerned face of the short man that had been one of those to find her, before passing out completely.

Some time later she awoke and opened her eyes only to stare blankly at the canvas above her, realizing her pain was lessened greatly.  
She turned her head, realizing someone was speaking to her, only to find the red headed woman from before looking at her with an odd expression on her face. Fear gripped her strongly making her world narrow to a pinpoint. Feeling weak and nauseous she turned her back on the woman, lying on her side, tucking her knees up to her chest, and placing her hands firmly over her ears. Anguished tears streaming down her face in fear of being taken back to the dungeons and being subjected to the same treatment as before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
> *[Who comforts and tries to befriend Eleyne?](https://vote.pollcode.com/94629831)*  
> _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
> As a favor to a dear friend this is on fanfiction.net under the name Dolfyntjie as well, chapters there will be posted after voting has taken place and after it has been posted on here. A03 is my favorite :)
> 
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13094271/1/The-Painted-Mirror


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adapting to life in Haven (and Thedas) is very difficult for Eleyne...  
> Mute, weak (According to her) and very lonely, she tries her best to accept and integrate into this new way of life.  
> But, old demons don't die or give up easily.  
> ********************************************************************************************************************************  
> The vote was tied between Solas and Varric at 42% each.
> 
> My impartial mediator (husband) has informed me of his choice...  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> WINNER - Varric ~  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to vote - pretty please :)  
> ****************************************************************************************************************************
> 
> Thank you to everyone taking the time to read and bookmark and leave kudos.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> I welcome all critique. Positive and negative. If it helps me become better, I embrace it.

She was trapped. Trying to scream, with no sound escaping. One moment she saw the red-headed woman beating her, whose name she had since learned was Leliana. The next moment it was her husband, beating her until she was on the floor, then taking from her body whatever he needed, often leaving her crying and begging for him to stop. These nightmares left her exhausted and unable to fall asleep again, sometimes she avoided sleep for several days, simply because of her severe nightmares.

Lighting some candles in the small cabin she had been given, she decided to further practice her writing. The short man, Varric, had been teaching her to read and write over the past few weeks, she was learning quickly but was somewhat stunted in the new language by the fact that she could not speak or pronounce the words. She was enjoying the lessons immensely, and at least in this way she could communicate with some if not most of the people around her. It was far easier than gesturing the way she had before.

Several hours later she dressed for the day and went to get some breakfast. People tended to avoid her somewhat, they were most likely uncomfortable with her being mute. Still, she felt guilty and tried to help wherever she could, not caring how dirty or demeaning the work was, if she could make life easier for at least one person, she was content.

She was surprised at the friendship that had been developing between Varric and herself, she liked his sense of humor. She simply rolled her eyes, whenever he called her Mouse, it seemed to be his nickname for her now. Everyone had one, it appeared. He seemed rather protective of her, and she appreciated this, as she still could not fight or defend herself, perhaps she would ask him if he could find out where she could learn.

Leliana had refused to apologize to her for the treatment at her and her agent's hands, she claimed it was necessary at the time, to determine if she was a threat or not, it was fine with her, she simply avoided her wherever she could. She avoided the woman known as the Herald wherever she could, simply because she was so cold and distant. She did not know the woman, or her circumstances, but she could not bring herself to be more than coolly civil to her. Something warned her that this woman was not only cold, but very cruel.

The elf, Solas, whom she had since learned was a mage, was also kind to her, if not somewhat distant. He would greet her whenever he saw her, and sometimes spoke to her, but was often away with Evelyn.  
Sometimes she thought she saw a great sadness pass over his face, before he remembered himself and shifted his face back into the neutral expression he wore most often.

The commander, Cullen, scared her somewhat. He appeared angry and belligerent much of the time, and did not appear to like, or trust her at all.

Cassandra, the short haired woman from the first day, apologized to her as soon as Varric told her she could understand some of their language. She appeared genuine in her apology, and so, Eleyne accepted and smiled kindly at her. Mouthing a thank you at her. 

Before she knew it again, Evelyn was leaving again, this time she was taking Varric, Solas AND Cassandra with her. She had a feeling something bad was going to happen, but decided to shake it off, and just continue as normal. So she did, going through the motions of practicing her letters and writing every day, several times a day. Trying to coax her voice back into use, only to end up frustrated, and helping wherever help was needed. 

The elves of Haven seemed especially confused by her, as she did not treat them any differently from any other people. She treated them as equals. Often deferring to one of them, if they had more knowledge of a certain subject, or more experience in something than she did, which was often the case. 

Several nights after the Herald and her party had left for wherever they were going, she woke from another horrible nightmare, unable to take the stifling atmosphere inside her cabin this time, she quickly dressed, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders she left the cabin and went to the lake, simply staring out at the water trying to calm her heartbeat and breathing.

Startled to hear footsteps behind her, she turned to find the Commander there. “Having trouble sleeping?”, he quietly asked. She nodded, and realized that if he was there, he must also have trouble sleeping. Really looking at him for what she thought must be the first time, she noticed that the circles under his eyes were so dark to appear to be bruises, he was pale, sweating and appeared to be in severe pain. Smiling at him with empathy, she mouthed “Good night.” He said nothing.

Before she could reach her cabin, she heard an anguished scream for help coming from one of the tents apparently reserved for the elves, which they had to share at least six to a tent. She shucked the blanket off and ran to where she heard the sound. 

When she saw the elf girl pressed against the wall by the two grown men in front of her, rage made her suddenly find her voice. Screaming at the top of her lungs “Leave her the fuck alone, dickheads!” They let the girl go as if burnt. Instead turning their attention to her, the one that had been trying to remove the girl's clothing punched Eleyne right on the jaw. He then came closer, pinning her arms next to her sides, she smiled at him and simply kneed him in an area the sun, and most likely soap had never reached. 

The other one became enraged at this, grabbing her from behind, her mind went blank. Reacting on instinct, she headbutted him against the nose, several times until he released her, falling down in shock at the sudden freedom her mind worked overtime, scrambling to her feet she felt him grab hold of one of her ankles and pull, she turned her weight over and kicked him as hard as she could, as many times as she could, eventually he dropped to the ground, groaning in pain. The first man tried his luck once again, she saw stars behind her eyes as he landed a single heavy handed punch on her left cheek. Eleyne fell to the ground on her knees, staring up at him, he pulled back his hand for another heavy punch, only to find that his hand had been grabbed by a furious Commander. 

Holding her hands in front of her eyes, she kept repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” over and over again. Her voice sounding rough and scratchy from disuse to her own ears, she saw his eyes widen in shock. 

He simply glared at her, seemingly furious. Her ears were buzzing, and she was feeling weak and nauseous. She saw the the other man had not yet gotten up, thinking she was in trouble, she simply held out her hands to the Commander, wrists close together, and head bowed down low, as if telling him to take her to the dungeon already and get it over with. Some time later, still sitting with her hands held out in front of her, she realized that he had done nothing, looking up, only to find him, as well as the two men gone. Puzzled, she stood shakily and looked around.

The grateful elf girl from before, approached her, trying to thank her. She did not yet have the words to explain to her that she was simply doing what she thought was right. The girl helped her back to her cabin, and with another expression of her sincere thanks, she left her alone.

Varric -

When next he saw Mouse, as he had likened to calling her, she came into the tavern for breakfast. She never ate there, simply took her food, left, and brought the bowl back later. Varric felt slightly worried as he looked at her a little closer. She was very pale, had severe dark circles under her eyes, and she appeared to be slightly off balance. Something had obviously happened or there was something horrible bothering her. Noticing her distant manner and lack of interest in her surroundings, he decided to ask her about it later. As she left he started working on examples of more words for her to practice. She was a quick study, and now, at least she was able to communicate. 

 

The news about what had happened the night before spread like wildfire, and by mid morning, just about everybody in Haven had heard some version of what had happened. She tried staying in her cabin to avoid as many people as possible, thinking she might be in trouble. Several times, she tried using her voice some more, but it was still difficult, rough and scratchy, speaking, or at least attempting to was painful on her throat after so long of not being able to use her voice. Still, she had to try. She could not write little notes on what she wanted to say to people forever.

The news died down quickly as the Herald and her party had returned, everybody had their attention focused on them, as well as some new acquisitions. She didn't leave to greet them, as the Herald disliked her intensely in any case.

 

Sitting down to practice some more words, a knock sounded at her door. Putting down her supplies, she stood to open the door, only to realize there's nobody there. Confused she looked around, thinking it might be some children playing a prank on her, when she saw what appeared to be small gifts, left for her at her door. The mere thought that someone thought her worthy enough to leave gifts for, made tears fall down her cheeks. A book, some flowers (which she had no idea where this person had found them), what appeared to be oil for bathing, and a pretty comb for her hair. Confused as to who would want to give her presents, she picked them up gently. Leaving the door open she re-entered her cabin and placed the small gifts on the small table near her bed. Closing the door gently,she spent the rest of the day in quiet practice.

 

Unknown to her, a certain male was watching her. After she went inside her cabin again, he cocked his head, appearing to be mystified by her. He had heard the stories through the grapevine, had not believed them at first. Only to have them corroborated directly by the girl that had been involved. She firmly stated that Eleyne had stopped the men, and probably saved her life, placing herself in danger. He was curious as to why she would do that. 

 

After leaving and returning to her cabin with supper, she washed herself, her regular day clothes, hanging them close to the fire to dry, but not so close as to burn the cabin down. She braided her hair and tried to get to sleep. Twiddling her thumbs for several hours, she was relieved when she finally managed to fall asleep. Only to once again find herself in the same old nightmare of her husband. This time though, something was different. She wasn't looking down at the scene, as usual. She was actually in the memory, being beaten and kicked by her husband. She could not stop herself from crying and begging for it to stop. Until she heard a voice behind her. She froze in fear, not knowing what to expect.

“Greetings da'asha, why do you fear this man so, and why do you permit him to treat you with such cruelty?” Solas patiently inquired of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Does Eleyne tell anyone she is from a different world?](https://vote.pollcode.com/55957313)
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> Enjoy reading :)


	5. Bonus Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares, panic, and desire.
> 
> More of Eleyne's backstory. It gets a little dark at a point, if you dislike such things be mindful from the *** onwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that had been bouncing around in my head since I posted the last chapter.
> 
> Hope you like it :)

Her nightmares had once again gotten worse, in the past few weeks since learning that Solas could enter other peoples dreams and not only see what is going on, but change them as well. This disturbed her on some level, even if she did not fully understand it at all.

Today, she was angry. Angry and annoyed. It felt like her skin was buzzing, and something was trying to burst out from within. She had never felt this before, and thus it only agitated her even more. She had nobody to ask, since Solas had left with the Herald once again, they were expected to be gone for some time, she did not think to ask where they were going.

She snapped at several people trying to speak to her, including Varric. He had not asked any questions, nor thrown any blame, simply asked her if she would like a drink, after which she had proceeded to get nearly black out drunk for the first time in about 15 years. Apologizing to everyone she thought she might have possibly wronged, and ending the evening in tears on Varric's lap. Much to his discomfort.

She woke up the next morning, once again in her cabin, which was in a terrible disarray. She spent most of the day fixing up the mess, washing clothes, mending what she could, scrubbing, and re-scrubbing and organizing all her possessions. She enjoyed order around her, and did not mind the scrub burn on her hands very much. After her entire cabin had basically been scrubbed down, she went to find supper, once again at the tavern. Leaving shortly after with her supper, she went back to her cabin to spend the evening quietly. 

She had been the target of several of Sera's (whom she liked, but who seemed to be afraid, or at the very least wary of her) pranks. Among these, honey dumped on her hair and a bucket of snow thrown on her just as she left the baths, on her dry and clean clothes. It was frustrating, and endearing at the same time.

Tonight her nightmare was of something different than usual. She was observing as if drifting above everything, and it scared her, because this was one of her worst memories. She felt another presence, at first thinking it might be Solas, but it felt different to her than normal, so she simply ignored it.

***  
Eleyne was lying at the foot of the stairs in the house she and her husband used to share. She had only known she was pregnant for a few weeks, she had so been looking forward to her pregnancy and having the baby. But now, she felt cold and empty. She knew what the cramping meant. He had once again, taken something precious from her. Trying to stand up, she felt dread when a slough of warm fluid ran down her legs, praying as hard as she could to any god she could think of, begging for the fluid to be clear. But as she checked her fingers, she already knew. 

She knew better than to call the hospital or police directly, he had friends there. So she called her neighbor and told her to please call her an ambulance, she had fallen down the stairs and feared she was losing her baby. The neighbor, Sylvia, did as she asked, with a strange tone to her voice. 

When they arrived, they found her trying to clean up the blood that had unfortunately spilled. They loaded her into the ambulance and took her to the hospital. They confirmed the unfortunate truth that she had lost her second baby due to this monster, and simply advised her to get counseling for the trauma of losing her baby. They gave her pamphlets. 

Some days later, she was released and had to beg Chris to come and pick her up. He stated he was busy, and since she was being stupid, it was her own fault.

She eventually found a ride home with a woman that had been visiting a relative, albeit much later than she had originally thought to go home. She would never forget what she saw as she walked into their bedroom. Her husband in bed, with Sylvia. She had never even suspected that he might be cheating on her before. They were asleep, so she simply took what she could, as silently as she could, some clothes, some cash, some of the jewelry he had bought for her over the years, and left. Within an hour she was at the bus station, on her way to starting a new life.  
***

A very seductive voice, spoke up suddenly behind her. “You desire to be loved, cherished, held and touched with affection, if you would but let me in, I can grant you all you desire, and much more besides.”

Turning slowly, she saw what appeared to be a woman in very skimpy clothing, almost bare, with purple skin, flames for her hair, and long curved horns. She started shaking, terrified.

“You have been well-protected in the past, but it seems your protector has left you for the time being, has he not” the demon-thing spoke up again.

Eleyne did not speak a word, simply closed her eyes, placed her hands over her face and kept repeating, “No, NO, NO! This isn't real, this is a dream, wake up idiot, wake up!”

She felt a hand on her shoulder, thinking it was still the demon, she woke up to find Solas once again in her dream. He had no time to give explanations as she was forcibly woken up, only to find the Nightingale, and the Commander standing over her bed with a angry looking templar at the door.

The commander screamed at her for not telling them she was a mage, and that she should be locked up, she started panicking, not knowing what they were talking about, her breathing sped up, and she saw what she was sure was light all over, getting brighter by the second, when it felt as though something hit her very hard in the center of her chest. She couldn't breathe, it felt like her mind was being squeezed, she felt ice cold. Hearing Varric's voice in the doorway just as her knees hit the floor, and then seconds later her head hitting the floor with a thump, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leaving kudos, bookmarking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of finding out she's a mage. Some revelations are made, apologies are forthcoming, but will she accept?  
> More of Eleyne's backstory in this chapter, gets dark at some points, if this triggers you, please forgive me and PLEASE pay attention to the tags.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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> The vote was a resounding YES for Eleyne to tell people she is from another world. 
> 
> (58% for YES / 42% for NO)
> 
> Thank you for voting :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 240+ hits ** 22 kudos ** - - - this is far more than I ever expected - - just want to thank all of you guys from the bottom of my heart :) 
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> Posting this chapter a little earlier than I planned, my internet is very unstable at the moment, it has been reported to be fixed, but might take a few days until they get around to it.

 

Eleyne was upset. No, that was an understatement. She was fucking pissed. Once again, she found herself shackled. In the same cell. Only this time, there were two templars stationed outside the door. Seething in rage for a while, she tried asking one of her guards how long she was going to be locked up this time, only to be ignored.

 

When she woke after a very restless night, she started debating out loud the ridiculousness of her situation at present. As she got angrier and angrier, she started shouting and ranting, after a while reverting to her mother tongue, which she had not spoken since she was a child. The words felt heavy and sounded strange to her ears, but it felt good to be able to call the templars names, and ridicule them when they could understand absolutely nothing she said.

 

She was fed this time, though, water and food brought to her regularly, which she was grateful for, but it was still grating being locked up, once again. Stripped of her freedom, she wondered what they were going to do to her. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got, and thus, the ranting started up again.

 

Early one morning she was taken from her cell, still in shackles and brought before the Herald and her advisors, they must have expected her to cower before them, because she could see the shock on their faces as they took in her angry countenance. Evelyn smirked at her and all she wanted to do was punch her in the teeth, which shocked her as she was not normally violent. She had done nothing wrong, and yet here they were, treating her like the worst war criminal in history.

 

Evelyn must have seen something in the expression on her face, because the next thing she did was tell the advisors that she wished for Eleyne to be made tranquil, as she was a danger to all around her. Eleyne listened to this in shock and could not help the grin that slowly appeared on her face, as they debated how she had fooled them into believing that she was not a mage. As they continued the debate, the smile of her face grew, and soon she was chuckling and then laughing loudly.

 

As she tried to calm down, she found to her shock that the Herald's sword was pointed right at her throat, “Give me a reason to cut you down, mage.” she sneered.

 

Eleyne simply laughed more at this and tried to even her breath so she could speak, several minutes later she was finally able to get the words out.

 

“I'm sorry, but at no point did I lie to any of you. This world may have magic, but mine doesn't. I didn't know there were mages here, I know how it sounds, I don't expect you to believe me, but its the simple truth.”

 

Then she mumbled to herself, in her own language, _“En selfs al het ek geweet ek was so iets, sou ek dit nie vir julle vertel het nie, ons word erger as slawe behandel, en volgens julle idiote is dit julle reg.”_

 

Her voice was getting very hoarse from talking this much, so she remained silent for now as the advisors seemed to debate what to do with her, she stood there simply waiting, a short time later she was taken back down to the dungeon. Later that night she woke with a furious headache, she saw stars behind her eyes with the intensity of the pain. Thinking this could be one of her migraines, she could open her eyes, but could barely see out of them, she was aware of people coming to see her during the day, but did not speak, as she did not wish to make the pain worse.

 

 

* * *

 

He had seen Eleyne being carried from her cabin, down to the cells beneath the Chantry, and shackled. He had no idea she was a mage, and if he were to judge, from the shouting that had occurred according to the gossip, she had not known this fact either. He had been watching her, true enough whenever he could get a moment free, but he was sure that she had not noticed this fact. He simply wished to know more about the type of person she was, by observing her. He found her to be very interesting, and knew he had to be very careful with her, or she would run off like a frightened doe. He heard people discussing her, apparently disgusted by her and the fact she was a mage. He had heard much about her during his short stay in Haven thus far, most of it was positive. Although, the people who had said such pleasant things about her, were suddenly disparaging her openly.

 

The Herald had been ranting openly in the tavern about Eleyne and her “many” lies. So, she came from another world, that would explain much, and nothing, at the same time. Since nobody was apparently watching her at the moment, he took the chance to go visit with her. She was simply lying on the thin cot in the cell, with her arm over her eyes, at first he thought she was crying, but then he noticed that she was sweating profusely and very pale, she was in severe pain, and trying to hide it. Eleyne had also not noticed that he was there, focusing on her breathing and trying to still the pain.

 

He attempted to smuggle a healing potion down to her, but the Nightingale caught him and told him the Herald had strict instructions that nobody was to aid her in any way, as she was ordering Eleyne to be made tranquil as soon as the templars and conscripted mages arrived to help close the breach.

 

He simply stared at her in shock, not believing she could truly be this cruel to a woman that had done nothing to harm her, or anyone else. He spoke to Cassandra about this troubling attitude from the Herald, and to his relief, she shared his view that Eleyne was neither crazy nor dangerous. He implored her to let Eleyne tell them her story.

* * *

**Cassandra :-**

It had taken quite some convincing, but she had managed to convince Cullen, as well as Leliana and Josephine to at the very least give Eleyne a chance to tell her side of the story. She went to fetch her from the cells, only to find that Eleyne was unable to walk, or even stand. When she asked what was the matter, Eleyne simply replied, “Headache. Massive headache.” After which Cassandra escorted her to the healer's tent, thankfully they were able to treat her headache, as well as give her some potions to take if and when it occurred again.

 

She could tell Eleyne was still frightened of them, at least, of most of them since she had built up somewhat of a friendship with the dwarf, and she and Solas spoke often, and got along rather well. Gently, she helped her to the chantry where they would proceed to question her, making her sit down in a chair, so she would know she was no longer in any trouble from them, at least.

 

**Eleyne :-**

 

When made to sit down, she was confused. Then Cassandra proceeded to explain that they needed to hear her story, if they had any chance of changing the Herald's mind on having her made tranquil. She was frightened and did not know what else to do, so as soon as the rest of the advisors joined, she started telling her story.

Starting off with how her father was an alcoholic that had severely beaten her mother on several occasions, accusing her of being unfaithful (which Eleyne later found out, had been true) accusing her of being a bad mother, of preferring her “projects” over her own daughter. She told them, trying to keep the emotion from her voice and face, that her father had left shortly after he found her mother in bed with one of his best friends. He never looked back.

 

Her mother raised her mostly on her own, she had lovers often, but they never stayed for very long, and were summarily replaced by new, better ones. Or so her mother believed. Several times she would wake to find her mother and the latest lover having sex about 3 feet from her bed (1 bedroom apartment) This scarred her severely, some years later, when her mother started getting sick, she started drinking, she would have violent mood swings, and blame Eleyne for everything that had gone wrong in her life since she had been born. She blamed her for her father beating her, she blamed her for his drinking problems, she even blamed Eleyne for the beatings she received from her husband, saying that she could have prevented this. She explained this all to the shocked faces of Cullen, Leliana, Cassandra and Josephine, and told them that at the time her father left, she was 4 years old, she could barely remember anything about him.

 

When her mother had started drinking so severely, things only got worse, they were evicted from their home on several occasions and had thus needed to seek refuge in a shelter or from friends. Alcoholics and drug addicts, mostly. By the time her mother had turned to prostitution out of desperation, the abuse she heaped on Eleyne had become so terrible, she believed she was ugly, useless, and nobody would ever want her for anything beyond what was between her legs. Her mother was very repetitive in her lessons.

 

She found a reprieve shortly after her 13th birthday. She came home from school to find her mother still in bed. Not thinking anything of it, she simply did her homework, and tried to clean up the pig-sty she sometimes believed they lived in. When she tried waking her mother to ask what was for dinner, she realized that her mother was dead. She went to a neighbor, and they called the doctor, police and an ambulance for her. She waited there, the woman fed her cookies and tried to keep her calm. What they didn't know was that Eleyne wasn't sad. She was feeling very relieved and free.

 

She was placed in a group home, while her mother's things were finalized, this is where she learned to start living. For the next year that she lived there, she felt like a child for the first time in her life. Then good news came. She was being placed with foster parents, she was ecstatic, packed her few things that she owned, and went to live in their home in a relatively nice neighborhood. They were very strict, they gave her plenty of rules and a strict schedule to adhere to, but they were very kind to her, they treated her very well, and did spoil her with certain things. Like she was the daughter they never had. She enjoyed life at home, she enjoyed school. So she obeyed. She was happy at last for the first time.

 

When she turned 21, she was working as a librarian's assistant in the town she had spent the better part of 7 years. She enjoyed the library, enjoyed the calm, quiet and orderliness. She didn't socialize much outside of work, instead staying home and reading or watching movies. Her “friends” called her “boring” and “Plain Jane” and told her she was dragging them down. She paid them no mind, and one day after giving in to endless requests to go to a party with them, she met the man who would later become her worst nightmare.

 

“Chris was like a dream come true, charming, witty and very romantic.” she told them.

 

“But all that changed on our wedding night, when he found out I was a virgin. Shortly after our wedding I was forced to quit my job, my employer her been asking questions about the bruises she could see all over my body every single day, they never got the chance to fade. And so, for the next 11 years, I lived in a nightmare of abuse and rape. Before you ask why I never left, I will tell you. When you are made to feel as worthless and useless as I was being made out to be, you believe it. You believe you don't deserve the good, you believe you deserve to be punished as you are. This is a difficult subject for me and you will please forgive me if I don't wish to speak of this any more.” Her voice was low and strained, struggling to hold back her emotions for fear of being seen as weak by these people.

 

“I.. I.. I understand and I'm so sorry we made you relive that,” Josephine gently placed a hand on her arm and softly spoke to her.

 

Cullen seemed to be at a loss for words, and Cassandra simply could not speak, but it was enough to see tears in her eyes, though she did not let them fall.

 

“I am very sorry for what you have suffered, both at your husbands hands, and at mine.” Leliana spoke, before leaving quietly.

 

One by one, the advisors left, leaving Eleyne alone with her thoughts. Exhausted and heartsick, she made to leave the chantry when she spotted Solas close to the doors. Closing her eyes for a moment, and opening them again she simply asked, “How much of it did you hear?” fervently hoping he had not heard much.

 

He gave her a curious look and replied, “Everything. But you need not fear anything from me. I will not tell anyone anything I have heard this day.”

 

Relief flooded through her and her knees felt weak, as she tried to take a step forward she nearly collapsed, he caught her gently, and helped her get to her cabin. After making sure she was alright, he left, and she got together some fresh clothes and prepared to wash herself, only to end up practically scrubbing her skin raw, as if trying to scrub the memories away.

 

She dressed quickly and left for the tavern, desperately needing friendly conversation. Entering quietly, hoping nobody sees her, she hears Varric declare, “Come on Mouse, saved you a seat and a drink, come and get it.” Giving him a grateful smile, she joined him at a table with three seats, after getting a bowl of supper for herself, deciding to eat in the tavern this evening, instead of alone in her cabin. Chatting up a storm with Varric about anything except the happenings of the past day she was shocked to find someone had joined them at the table. Only for Varric to say, “Well, I had hoped to introduce the two of you earlier, but you were occupied. Mouse this is...”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Eleyne refuses to rely on magic only, what other weapon(s) does she train in?](https://vote.pollcode.com/38587642)
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> Thoughts? 
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> Who, oh who might Varric introduce to Eleyne?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Eleyne's life on Thedas.
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> Meeting new people, making friends. 
> 
> Training in magic, and archery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***********************************************************************************************************
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> PLEASE remember to VOTE
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She could NOT help staring. This was one of the physically dominating men she had ever seen. Unable to do anything except shake his exceptionally large hand, with nary but a squeak escaping her lips, she didn't hear a word Varric said.

 

The giant, whom Varric eventually introduced to her as Raven, which she did not understand the reasoning for, she simply sat there, an ale Varric had procured for her in her hand, trying to be as unimposing as possible. After a while, Varric made some excuse about having to go and see someone, and she found herself, with Raven. ALONE. Now, she wasn't terrified as much as she was intimidated by his size.

 

Staring at him from under her lashes, trying not to be too obvious, suddenly understanding why Varric would call him Raven, she saw him smile at her gently and his voice surprised her when he spoke, deep and even, with a strange inflection, but not at all unpleasant, shyly, she raised her head to look at him properly, dark skin, only to be met with long, black hair that had been tied back low on his head, horns that gently swept back, and vivid yellow eyes. She was in absolute awe at the simple physical beauty of this man, or whatever he was. She had never seen anything or anyone quite like him.

 

He smiled at her, “My name is Jarari Adaar, I am pleased to meet you. Varric has told me much about you.”

 

She could not help the blush that spread over her face, “Good things, I hope.”

 

He smirked at her, “Possibly.”

 

Before she had a chance to say no, he had brought them more drinks, and before she knew it, they had spent hours talking to each other and getting to know each other. He was surprisingly accepting of her being a mage, as well as from a different world, and told her that he was looking forward to getting to know her better.

 

She felt her stomach clench at the thought of possibly allowing another man close enough to be able to hurt her, but decided to once again pull up her big girl panties, and take a chance, she was in a different world now, and she had to believe there were at least some people who did not wish to harm those around them. Perhaps Jarari was one of them. She was feeling nervous, hopeful, with a strange fluttering in her stomach when he walked her to her cabin later that night. After seeing her inside, he bade her a good night, and left. She hoped she would see more of him, soon.

 

After she had washed herself, and dressed in her clean nightgown, she frowned when she saw a note on her nightstand.

 

 

_You are everything I could ever hope for. I can’t have you, but I have hope that this world is not completely lost. I can only hope that perhaps someday you will notice me._

 

Frowning at the letter, not knowing at all who would even think of sending her something like this, she folded it carefully and placed it in her journal. Climbing in her bed, she smiled thinking about Jarari, and how sweet he had seemed to be, realizing that she had to start training with Solas the next day on how to use her magic, she went to sleep, still with a smile on her face.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

She was exhausted. Solas was a good teacher and very patient, but he moved rather quickly. He told her she had a certain affinity for ice magic, though she could truly not tell. She could not be more grateful that he was taking the time to teach and train her, but she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to get some food, wash up, and get to sleep.

 

She went to the tavern to grab some food, only to be accosted by Varric, “So, tell me Mouse, how did you and Raven get along last night? I heard some rumors that he walked you to your cabin.”

 

Rolling her eyes at Varric's blatant attempt to fish for more information for his stories, “Yes, we talked for a long time, he walked me to my cabin and left. Nothing happened.”

 

Squinting his eyes in suspicion, “Hmm, if you say so, Mouse.”

 

She simply went to get her food and left shortly after, deciding to once again eat in her cabin, where she could go to bed as soon as she was done. Balancing the bowl of food while closing and locking her door, her eyes fell on another note, left in the same spot. Eyeing it suspiciously, she put her bowl down on the table, and could not resist reading the note.

 

 

_I enjoyed hearing your laughter today as you were training. I hope nobody noticed how I had been looking at you. I don't understand how I came to feel this way about you, or when it happened. Will I ever find the courage to tell you?_

 

Placing this letter with the other one, she decided to write back a short note, maybe they would find it, perhaps not.

 

 

_I never expected to receive anything like this, from anybody. I am not special in any way, but I thank you for the notes. Why won't you simply speak to me? I'm not a horrible person, at least, I don't think so. If you wish to communicate via notes for now, this is also fine. I will reply if that is your wish. Could you give me a hint, as to who you are? I will keep it between us, I promise._

 

Leaving the reply note in the usual spot she found the notes from her secret admirer, she went to bed, dreaming of a strange hooded man. She could not see all of his face, but she could feel his eyes linger on her. Feeling very shy, suddenly, she asked out loud, “Who can this be?” She had a distinct feeling that she was safe with him, that he would not harm her, but she was careful as she had been warned against the creatures of the fade. She was afraid that he would/could be a demon trying to lure her in.

She started spending her mornings training with Solas, afternoons she and Sera spent trying to train Eleyne's skill in using a bow, it was far harder than she ever thought it would be, it always looked so easy, she was now using muscles she never even knew she had. She was exhausted every night, barely having time for anything else, except food and a bath, and then going to sleep. The notes were still being left for her, she had started anticipating them, they made her feel special, after all. She replied to them all, but could not help and wonder, who the mystery author of the notes could be, whoever it was never gave anything away other than that they had been watching her with rapt attention. She tried to focus, to see if someone in particular was watching her during the day, but never found anyone or anything out of its regular place.

 

In this manner, some weeks passed, and eventually the Herald had returned with the mages, after a very loud meeting with her advisors, she sought out Eleyne who was currently training with Solas, punching her right across the jaw, making her fall to her knees, shrieking at her in front of everybody, “You may have fooled my advisors, you slut, but you will not fool me, and you and I shall have a reckoning some day soon.”

 

Unknown to her, Jarari had heard the entire conversation. She could tell he was upset, but in her confused state, did not know if it was at her, or the Herald. She excused herself from Jarari and Solas, only hearing Jarari state, “I didn't know humans were this cruel to their own kind.” Solas did not reply, but it was obvious he was very angry as well.

 

On her way to her cabin, Sera tried to rope her into playing some pranks on some of the advisors, but she just brushed her off and went ahead to her cabin, closing and locking the door before falling on her bed and finally letting hot tears of humiliation fall. “Why does she hate me so, and what did I do to deserve it?”

 

Writing a little in her journal helped clear her mind, after putting it away in her usual hiding spot, along with the several notes she had been getting, she lied down on her bed, falling asleep after a short time. Upon entering the fade, she found the self same hooded man that had visited her several times since that first time. This time however he could tell she was upset at something, he tried to gently prod her to tell him, but she refused to talk about it, saying it was humiliating enough experiencing it in the waking world.

 

She spent some time with him, he asked her plenty of questions as he always did, how was her training going, had she made any new friends, how were the advisors treating her, she was always careful what she told him, as she had asked him more than once who he is, but he only smiled and told her that he would tell her when the time was right. This frustrated her, but she enjoyed his company and thus did not press him, much.

 

When she woke, another note was waiting for her, with trembling fingers, she unfolded it, and read it, cherishing this little secret.

 

_She cannot stand how truly unique, kind-hearted and special you are. Thus she treats you poorly. Pay her no mind._

 

The sweetness of the note made her heart clench with a feeling she could not name, grabbing some paper and ink, she quickly wrote out a reply.

 

_Thank you. I truly wish I could see myself the way you see me._

 

Putting away the received note and placing the one she had written in the usual spot, she mustered her courage, and left her cabin. Apologizing to Sera not only for brushing her off earlier, but also for ditching their usual archery lesson, she went to see Solas, but before she could apologize to him, he told her that it was unnecessary, she owed him no apologies, but that the Herald's behavior was reproachable, and that he had told Commander Cullen and Seeker Pentaghast as much.

 

As she turned to leave, she suddenly found very large hands covering her eyes, suddenly panicking she blindly hit whoever was behind her hard in the ribs with her elbow, she heard a loud grunt behind her and the hands were removed from her eyes, only to be met by Jarari's painfilled yellow gaze. He raised a hand to her still swollen, and slightly bruised jaw, but she flinched from him, confused at her reaction, he withdrew his hand, suddenly realizing she had been expecting him to hit her.

 

Filled with a great sadness, he watched her eyes fill with tears, right before she bolted and ran as quickly as she could away from Solas and himself.

 

Staring after her, “What happened to you?” he asked nobody in particular, but Solas replied. “It is my understanding that she had been physically abused for many years before coming here, and once she came here, she was imprisoned on suspicion of being a spy, and tortured.”

 

The next morning the Herald had informed them that the conscripted mages should be arriving soon, and that they would close the breach shortly after this. Everyone agreed that since Eleyne was still (mostly) untrained, she would not be helping to close the breach, herself.

 

When they left, Eleyne was left mostly to her own devices, so she tried training on her own, only to find herself lacking the will and focus to get anything done, so she simply went to her cabin and slept as much as she could. Some time later, she was not sure exactly how long, the Herald and her party returned, victorious.

 

While everyone was sitting and celebrating in the tavern, Eleyne could not shake a feeling of intense unease, she shared this with Jarari, who had stated he would rather spend time with her, than getting drunk with idiots. Together, they walked to Solas' cabin who had elected to not attend the celebrations, himself. Before she could gather herself, alarm bells were ringing, she barely had time to reach her cabin, grab a pack with some supplies and clothing, healing potions and her journal, before she was being bundled into the chantry with most of the other villagers. It was crowded, loud and she was developing a headache.

 

Haven was buried. Under snow. She had sacrificed herself and triggered an avalanche to help everyone else get away. Eleyne could not help feel that she had possibly misjudged the Herald.

 

She went along with the crowd, as they fled Haven, it was bitingly cold outside, but she would just have to endure it for now. They waited and waited for the Herald, but she didn't show. Coming across children sitting huddled together, barely dressed warm enough for the near freezing weather, she wrapped her spare cloak from her pack around them. Finding another woman, with her baby in her arms, barely covered at all, the babies lips turning blue from the cold already, she took her own cloak from her shoulders, and gave it to the woman to wrap her baby. Not brokering any arguments, she simply left and huddled closer to one of the fires they had eventually built for warmth.

She must had fallen asleep, because the next thing she was aware of was Jarari shaking her awake almost violently, “You're an idiot, why would you give away your last warm things to wear? We tried waking you up for hours, without any success.”

 

Eleyne was so tired, “They needed it more than I did. I could provide.” was all she could get out, between her teeth chattering furiously, feeling very tired, she just stayed silent. The next sensation she had was of being picked up gently. Jarari was trying to keep her warm. Unconsciously she burrowed closer to him, seeking his warmth. She did not notice the way he looked at her, nor did she feel his arms tighten slightly around her as she did so.

 

Jarari had somehow procured a blanket for her, and now insisted on carrying her, wrapped in the blanket, despite her protests. He was also carrying her pack she had grabbed right before leaving her cabin, in addition to his own. When next everyone stopped for the night she asked him nicely to please let her stand on her own feet for a while, she wanted to stretch her legs for a bit, noting the concern in his eyes, she opened her pack, wanting to make sure all the notes she had been receiving, as well as her journal were still safe. Only to find a new note. Curious, she unfolded it carefully and read,

 

_You care so much for others, not seeing how unique that is in a world where people are reviled and treated as lesser beings due to the shape of their ears. You are a breath of fresh air, giving all you have, with no thought to yourself. For a moment, I thought you had been lost to me, please, don't do it again. I have never been as frightened as I was when I thought you might not wake up. I care for you, more than I can say._

 

 

Puzzled as to who was writing the mysterious letters, she did not notice much around her, and was startled when Jariri came closer with what appeared to be two bowls of food, one for him, and one for her. Curious she asked him, “Jariri, who was the other person trying to wake me up?”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [How does Eleyne find out her admirer's identity?](https://vote.pollcode.com/19513983)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ***********************************************************************************************************  
> [Does Evelyn ease up on Eleyne?](https://vote.pollcode.com/32943795)
> 
> ***********************************************************************************************************
> 
> Any thoughts on who Eleyne's admirer might be?? 
> 
>  
> 
> THANK YOU for reading, kudos, bookmarks, comments :) They make me feel all warm and tingly!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn is found, and they find Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU to everyone who has left comments, kudos, has bookmarked and subscribed!!  
> IT means so very very much to me.
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Does Evelyn ease up on Eleyne?
> 
> Yes. She realizes she had misjudged Eleyne and apologizes. - - - - - 27%  
> NO! For appearances only, she intends to get rid of her. - - - - - 73% ((WINNER))  
> ***************************************************************************************************************************  
> How does Eleyne find out her admirer's identity?
> 
> She catches whoever is leaving them in the act. - - - - - 44% ((WINNER))  
> She recognizes the handwriting. - - - - - 13%  
> They leave an obvious gift, which tells her immediately who it is. - - - - - 38%  
> She hears them speaking about the notes. - - - - -6%
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Jariri POV**

 

He was trying to win her trust, her friendship, at the very least. He could not understand the strong feelings he felt whenever he was around her, she mystified him, and all he wanted was to see her happy, and protect her. She blushed so prettily when he spoke to her, it made his heart flutter in his chest. This only made him want to spend more time with her, she was so tiny compared to him, he could easily pick her up and perch her up on his shoulder, though he would not do this, as he did not wish to scare her away. He would take on anyone that tried to cause her more pain, especially after what Solas had told him, even the bitch of a Herald.

 

**Eleyne**

 

She had been found, The Herald. Everyone was overjoyed, when she woke up, they all sang. It seemed to Eleyne that she had been the only one to remain quiet as the people revered her. Now, they were on their way somewhere mysterious. Apparently it would be their new home. She didn't care, as long as she could eventually sleep warm in a bed again, this was very uncomfortable, and it was extremely cold.

 

She sought Eleyne out, and for all intents and purposes appeared to apologize to her, Eleyne accepted the apology, but a strangling feeling in her gut told her NOT to trust this woman, she did not have good intentions. She sounded very sincere and apologetic, but Eleyne's instincts warned her not to trust it too much. She realized that if she was going to stay with them, she would have to make an effort to accept her apology and get along with Evelyn.

 

Upon arriving at the place Solas had told them was called Skyhold, they were astonished as to the general state of the place, immediately work rotations were set up in order to get the place in a living condition again. She didn't mind the work, at least it was something to do. She often found herself working next to, or close to Jariri, and wondered just how he had been able to wrangle that.

 

Some time later, most of the castle was livable, everyone had been assigned rooms, she had received a small, although warm room, for which she was very grateful. She had been warned to not explore too far on her own, as some of the rooms still needed work, and were structurally unsafe. This did not bother her, as she never entered any of the rooms in her bid to explore.

 

Later that evening, having joined Jariri for supper, the hall was very full, and very noisy, but they could still talk to each other. Confused and very curious about the notes she had been receiving, she pulled them out of one of her pockets, and asked his opinion on them. He slowly read through all of them, and told her that he thought whoever was leaving them appeared to love her from afar, also asking if she needed help to figure out who was leaving them. She whispered, “No, I've never received anything like this, am I silly for feeling a little bit special?”

 

**Admirer POV**

 

She was curious about the notes. The thought that they were special to her, made him smile inside, warmth spreading through him at the thought that she might be open to his affections. He had at first felt silly writing the notes, and did not know why he had chosen to do so, instead of approaching her, but she was different than most women he had met before. It had been a long time since he had wished for someones affection as much as he did hers.

 

He would write another, he thought, and with a last glance at her, unhurriedly left and returned to his quarters. After several drafts and hours, he was satisfied with the next note he would leave for her. He hoped that he was not imagining things, and that she would be able to care for him as he did for her.

 

Deciding to leave the note in her room the next morning, he went to sleep while thinking of her and her smile. A sudden pang gripped his heart and he fervently hoped that she would not be as afraid of him as she appeared to be of most men.

 

**Evelyn POV**

 

Alone in her room, she fumed. “That kossith-fucking whore!” She had been openly spending time with that hulk of a Tal-Vashoth, being openly friendly with him, apparently having NO shame, whatsoever. She had apologized to her, simply for the reason being Leliana had thought it the right thing to do. Appease the little slut, before they got rid of her, and Leliana had assured her, they would, eventually.

 

She hoped it would be painful, she hoped she could be there to watch. She wanted her to suffer. But for now she had to keep up appearances and be nice to the slut. “You can do this, you're strong enough to pretend you like the little harlot before Leliana has a plan to kill her.” She whispered madly to herself.

 

**Eleyne**

 

She had left her room to take a bath, the baths were far from her room, but the walk didn't bother her. She had not received one of the mysterious notes since they had arrived in Skyhold, she wondered if her mysterious admirer had changed his mind. Feeling much better, and refreshed after her bath, she scrunched her hair as she walked back to her room, a feeling of terror passing through her as she saw her door was open, she slowly approached pushing the door open more. Seeing who was in her room, shocked her, stilling her feet, and stealing her voice.

 

“What are you doing in my room, is something the matter?” she asked when she could find her voice, before noticing the note he had left on her bed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment, any feedback is appreciated. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Who did Eleyne catch in her room?](https://vote.pollcode.com/89362595)


	9. Theneras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleyne has a VERY VERY bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU! THANK YOU! ALL of you who read this, not only to those who read, but to those that leave kudos and comments!! I love it, and all of you so very very much!! 
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Who did Eleyne catch in her room?
> 
> Blackwall -- 3 votes  
> Cullen -- 9 votes  
> Solas -- 11 votes (((Winner)))

“What are you doing in my room, is something the matter?”

 

Cocking her head curiously, staring at him for several minutes, she waited for his reply, when she noticed the pink tinge on the tips of his ears, as though he was embarrassed.

 

“Solas, can I assist you with anything?” she asked gently.

 

“No, ma'asha I was simply looking for you, I wished to ask you to accompany me to lunch, today.” he replied, looking directly at her for the first time since she had returned to her room.

 

Realizing that she would have to walk directly past him, and possibly have to brush against him if she wished to retrieve and read the note in his presence, it was her turn to blush, and for some reason, her heart decided to start racing at the mere thought of Solas being that close to her.

 

Deciding to be brave, she gently grabbed his wrist as she brushed past him to her bed, retrieved the note, and still standing very close to him, opened it and read.

 

_I have not approached you directly, because I fear you will run from me. I do not wish to drive you away, I simply wish to get to know you better, and spend some time with you. You enthrall me. I must be an old fool for hoping you could return my affection._

 

Unknowingly, she had pressed the palm of her hand to her heart to try and still the furious beat it had established at reading the letter and learning her mysterious admirer's identity. Swallowing nervously, she let go of his wrist, and asked him. “Nobody has ever deemed me special enough to write to me in such a manner. Its very flattering, and feels very overwhelming to me, although I must say, I enjoy and treasure the notes.” Blushing furiously, she leaned over to him and kissed him slowly on his cheek, before turning away to leave.

 

Before she could, though, he grabbed her hand gently and drew her to him in a gentle embrace. She had never felt anything of the like before. He was strong. Not only was he strong, she felt safe in his arms. She had never experienced a feeling like that before. She wondered what the frantic beat of her heart meant, she felt afraid, hopeful, overwhelmed, all at once. She didn't know how to act nor respond, so she did the only thing her body told her to do, she wrapped her arms around his neck gently and pressed her body to his in a soft hug.

 

He broke their embrace, sliding his hands down her arms and taking her hands gently in his, looking down at her with a small smile on his lips, his gaze holding hers, in his eyes, she saw many emotions she had no names for, it seemed that this attraction, or whatever it was between them, was just as unexpected for him, as it was for her.

 

The next day, Solas left with Evelyn, who had been named Inquisitor, again to help her in whatever they did when they left, they were expected to be gone for some weeks, so Eleyne did her best to stay out of everybody's way. She and Jariri spent much of their time together, he had only asked her once if she had found out who wrote the notes, and wanting to keep a little secret just to herself for once, she told him, “Yes, and I know who it is as well, but I don't want to talk about it now.”

 

He noticed the blush and her mysterious smile, and his heart sank. He had taken too long, he had been too late to show her that he cared about her, not just as a friend. Unable to still his thoughts, he excused himself, and quickly left, thinking that pulverizing some training dummies might be a good way to work off the frustration of an unrequited love.

 

In the days that followed, Jariri began to withdraw from her. She asked him several times, but it seemed the words were stuck in his throat, he tried speaking with her normally, but it seemed to prove difficult for him. This made her lonely and depressed, with nobody to talk to except Sera, and she got bored quickly anyway, going off to either prank someone or do whatever. So she started spending much of her time in her room, depressed and lonely, not knowing what was wrong, she spent much of her time alone crying herself to sleep, then waking and still feeling overwhelmingly sad, crying some more. She had lost her appetite and it was beginning to show, her clothes did not fit as well as they used to.

 

Out of the blue, one afternoon, feeling that old paralyzing fear that she used to have for her husband, she wracked her brain, trying to figure out why she felt this way. It bothered her. She tried putting it out of her mind, but only ended up having severe nightmares for most of the week leading up to Evelyn and her party's return. On the day before she had been set to return, she was feeling weak, tired and faint, so she decided to take a long nap with her door locked.

 

* * *

 

She had heard people calling that the Inquisitor had returned, nervously she dressed and left her room to greet not only Evelyn, whom she had been trying very hard to be civil to, but also to possibly see Solas and Varric as well. She was always happy to see Varric, but the first joy she had felt in days came from thoughts of Solas. She tried to walk through the milling crowd, who as always were ecstatic to see Evelyn's return. When he spotted her, she knew immediately, a bright smile lit his face, only to be replaced by concern the next moment.

 

When she saw who was behind Solas, her feet froze in place. Sheer terror locked her legs in place, and she could not move. “Well, well, I see my slut of a wife has indeed kept busy, it is as you said, Evelyn.”

 

He stalked over to her, her face blanching in abject terror, she looked up to see Evelyn smirking at her with a very satisfied look on her face. “You think this little harlot so innocent, people, this is the husband she abandoned, after she had refused to have his children.”

 

Everybody was staring, but Eleyne still could not move, nor speak. Solas was helpless in the face of her terror, he was just as shocked as everyone else, when the man suddenly spun around and punched Eleyne square on the jaw, making her drop on the spot. She was knocked unconscious, her jaw already starting to swell. Solas immediately knelt by her side to try and heal her, or at least revive her, but the Herald simply stated, “Solas you will leave this harlot alone, she is to have NO healing, she is charged with abandoning her husband and marriage, and shall be confined in the dungeon, until I deem the time right to pass judgment upon her.”

 

Not seeing the cold fury in Solas' eyes, Evelyn hooked her arm with Eleyne's husband's arm and asked him quietly what his name was, “Christopher, but you may call me Chris, my dear lady.” She smiled at him and invited him to stay in Skyhold for the time being.

Some minutes later the Nightingale's guards had arrived to take Eleyne to the dungeons as per the Inquisitor's orders, but she still had not awoken, they shackled her and just as they were about to carry her away, Cullen, as well as Jariri arrived, asking what had happened.

 

Solas told them, “Somehow, Eleyne's husband had found a way into this world, we had found him where he had fallen near a rift, we thought he would die at first, but he managed to survive somehow. Something about him seems wrong, Commander, can we have him watched discreetly, please?”

 

Jariri could not believe his eyes, he asked Solas if this was the husband that had been abusing her, only to be met with a yes. Solas also asked him how she had been since they had been gone, only to hear and realize that Jariri had been harboring feelings for Eleyne. Something seemed to bother him a great deal, and Solas gently asked him what was troubling him. Jariri gave Solas an odd look, and whispered, “Its you, isn't it. The notes.” shaking his head in defeat. “I fear I might be partially responsible for her hurrying out here to meet all of you, I have been pushing her away, not wishing to make my pain worse, but in doing so, I caused her to be lonely and depressed and now, she's in severe danger.”

 

The next morning Evelyn called just about anybody who would listen, to come to Eleyne's judgement. She was brought out in chains, when made to kneel in front of the Inquisitor's throne, she did not look up, and kept her head bowed.

 

Chris was called upon to testify. Cullen noticed only one strange thing, the more he spoke, the more and faster the tears streamed down Eleyne's face. She must be terrified, he thought. Feeling an uncommon need to protect her from this man. He did not and would not trust him.

 

Eleyne's heart was thrumming so fast in her chest, she thought if it beat any faster, it might burst right out. She listened to him lie. Lie to so many people about nearly 12 years of hell. He made himself sound like the perfect husband, and her like a cheating, thieving harlot. Despair filled her, and she heard strange whispers in her head.

 

“Let me in, and I can give you the strength to never be a victim again”

“Let me in, I will grant your every desire, desire to have a home, be cherished and loved, to have children.

 

Solas noticed immediately something was wrong with her. Reaching out with his magic aura, he tried to project comfort to her, not knowing if he succeeded or not, her tears suddenly stopping. She raised her head, and with a very hoarse voice, begged to be able to tell her side of the story.

 

The Inquisitor simply smirked at her, and said, “I think not, your husband has said more than enough, wouldn't you agree?”

 

Cassandra suddenly spoke up, “She has spoken of her past to myself, Cullen, Josephine and Leliana, Inquisitor, we believe she is telling the truth.”

 

“You mean she manipulated you, as her lord and husband has clearly stated. Now be silent.” Evelyn all but snarled at Cassandra.

 

“I find you GUILTY of abandoning your husband and marriage, Eleyne. I hereby command you to return to your husband. If you have not done so in 30 days. You will be made tranquil and sent back to him in any case.” At that, everyone was dismissed.

 

* * *

 

 

After some time, Eleyne caught herself. Sitting dazed on her bed, trapped in her own mind, as it were, for a moment unable to recall much of anything at all. Promising herself to never be a burden or victim again, her eye fell on the dagger Sera had given her some weeks ago, testing its edge, she found it to be ridiculously sharp. Placing it with her clothing, she left for the baths, wanting for old times sake to feel hot water against her skin, soothing and relaxing her, so consumed with her own thoughts, she walked quickly, not realizing that on the way to the baths she had almost bumped directly into Solas, who had been looking at her with concern plain on his face, fear in his eyes. Deciding to leave her be for the moment, he stood there looking at her as she hurried away in the direction of the baths.

 

Once she was safe in the water, she simply sat and stared at the dagger for some time, wondering how much it would hurt if she cut her wrists, and which way would cause her to bleed out the quickest. Trying to remember some more of the Biology she had taken in school, she surmised that a straight down cut would probably bleed out the most, that, coupled with the warm water should be most effective indeed.

 

Placing the tip of the dagger against her right wrist, she was surprised at how easily it cut into her skin, and how deep. Dragging it down her arm quickly, she took it in her other hand, which was becoming numb, and dragged it down her left arm. Blinded with pain, and with tears in her eyes, she recited the only thing she could think of, over and over again.

 

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

 

She was feeling so tired, but relieved, she knew she would soon be free. Just a little more and she would reach that quiet, warm, dark place.

 

**Solas POV**

 

He had been anxious to see her since they had arrived back, only to hear that she had for the most part withdrawn to her room, forgetting to even come out for meals, at most times. She was according to some of his agents, losing weight, a lot of it, and quickly.

 

He was stunned when he was about to knock on her door, only to have her brush past him, not even noticing that he was standing there. Following her to the bath, he tried to stay far enough, so as to not cause her alarm, but close enough to aid if she was in severe distress.

 

Hearing her recite something strange, he thought she might have fallen asleep in the bath, chuckling to himself, he entered carefully, not wishing to alarm her, only to find the water of the bath stained red with blood, blood from deep self-inflicted cuts from her wrists to her elbows.

 

He tried healing her, only to find that her body was resisting his healing magic. Sadly wondering at what had been able to cause her to attempt suicide, not caring at the moment that she was naked and bleeding all over him, he picked her up and headed for the infirmary, only to run into Fiona as she was leaving, she had him place Eleyne on one of the cots, and he watched for a while as they tried to save her life. Leaving after he made sure she was going to be alright, he gently traced the long silver scars streching from her wrists to her elbows, leaving with a heavy heart, he sought out Jariri, perhaps he would be able to explain what had pushed Eleyne to the point of attempting to kill herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Does Jariri confess his feelings to Eleyne?](https://vote.pollcode.com/71516328)
> 
>  
> 
> Who do YOU think, would interfere in Jariri's attempt to woo Eleyne??
> 
> Thoughts, suggestions, ideas?? All are welcome.


	10. Bonus chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a celebration AND a THANK YOU to you guys for sticking with me during the crazy ride that is this story, HERE...HAVE a bonus chapter!
> 
> *********************************************************************  
> What I am thankful for, and what we are celebrating:
> 
> 500+ hits  
> 40+ KUDOS  
> 15000 + words  
> *********************************************************************

Her arms felt heavy, as if they had been tied down, also her eyes felt as though they may never open again, the thought terrified her. She tried lifting her arms, only to be met with severe pain. Trying in vain to remember where she was, or anything that had happened, she became frustrated. Her eyes were burning, her arms were hurting, she was feeling weak. “Why am I feeling so weak?” she thought to herself. Finally able to open her eyes, she did not recognize her surroundings immediately, fearing that she had indeed been handed over to Chris, she felt nothing but dismay, sitting up, trying to scrub the sleep from her eyes, she realized there was a hand holding her left hand, turning slowly, she saw Solas sleeping slumped in a chair close to the cot she had apparently been placed in.

 

Confused, she scanned the room to find any other occupants, finding none at the moment, turning her attention back to him. Scanning his face, which appeared so different in sleep, she could do no more than simply watch him for a time, after a time, she started feeling restless, however, and as she moved to a slightly more comfortable position on the cot, the fingers surrounding her own gave a gentle squeeze, and he was awake. He stared at her in silence for a moment, she looked down at her arms, realizing seeing for the first time the ugly scars from her wrists to her elbows, her face paling, she felt tears prick at her eyes, “I'm sorry, Solas.” was all she was able to get out, before her tears overwhelmed her.

 

“Please do not cry, fanor. Nobody is upset with you. Although I must confess I am concerned.” An impossibly sad look crossing his face after he spoke. “Will you tell me what happened?”

 

Shaking in fear, she tried to speak several times, having severe difficulty, he didn't press her, but seemed concerned, "Atish dur fanor, telin junua ma." taking her hand in his.

 

When she finally could speak, and told him what had happened, he realized the truth, she had simply experienced an extremely vivid nightmare, so vivid as to believe it was really happening. This caused her distress to the point of attempting suicide. He explained this to her, she appeared somewhat troubled by it, but appeared to believe him, nonetheless.

 

“When I had found you, I had been terrified, fanor, your body resisted healing magic, which is why I brought you to the infirmary immediately. I...thought I had lost you.” Surprising her with a strength she did not realize he possessed, he pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly. “Please, do not scare me like that again, Eleyne...”

 

She pulled away from his embrace to reply to him, but as soon as she looked into his eyes, his lips met hers in a breathtaking kiss, after which he rested his forehead against hers. “I do not know how and when I came to care this much for you, ma' fanor, if this is not what you wish, you must tell me now...”

 

Her eyes closing slightly, “I didn't expect this, Solas. Not in my wildest dreams did I image you would feel this way for me... I am willing to take a chance, if you are....” her heart beating faster from his words, and the look in his eyes.

 

Helping her to lie down once more, “I will stay with you, you must rest, so you can recover.”

 

Taking his hand, “Thank you for saving me, Solas.”

 

He said nothing, simply placing a kiss on her palm.

 

With his hand in hers, she eventually fell asleep again, expecting to be once again hounded by nightmares, to her surprise, she could sense that something or someone was keeping her safe, the only thing she saw was a large black wolf with 7 crimson eyes.

 

She was at the same time, terrified of him, and soothed by him. This confused her, she did not know what to make of it, but decided to not think on it too much. Deciding to try and approach him, to thank him, she was surprised that he simply stood, waiting for her. She was pleasantly surprised, his fur was soft, softer than anything she had ever felt before, and she felt kindness, affection and protection radiate from him to her.

 

This released a strange feeling in her, that she had no name for. “Thank you for protecting me.” she whispered, knowing he could hear her. He inclined his head and was gone, at least for now. Some time later, she woke up, seeing Solas in the chair next to her cot, she looked at him for a while, realizing that she had not seen how handsome he is, and how much younger his face appeared in sleep. Sitting up, after a time and getting to her feet, proved difficult, she had not taken into account how weak she would be. But stand, she did, determined to be out of the infirmary as soon as possible. Walking around some to stretch her legs, which gradually felt stronger, she didn't notice that he was awake until he chastised her for standing in her weakened state.

 

He quickly stood, taking her by the arm, leading her back to her cot. “I can't lie down anymore, Solas, its driving me crazy. I'd rather sit, and speak with you a while, if you don't mind.”

 

“Of course, ma' fanor.” Frowning at the words she did not understand, “What does that mean, Solas?”

 

A faint blush coloring his face and the tips of his ears, he replied, “It is elvhen, the meaning would be 'My Precious', that is what you are to me. I have never met one with such a kind and giving spirit, such as yourself.”

 

“I.. I don't think I am unique or special, Solas, but I thank you. You are very, actually, you are too kind to me, I wonder where you get your patience from.”

 

“Fanor, it is easy to be patient with one you care for as much as I do for you.”

 

Smiling at his words, she realized that she felt something she had not felt in what seemed like an eternity.

 

Hope.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kind friend on Discord was kind enough to help me with the Elvhen phrase I needed for this chapter. THANK YOU, you know who you are!!


	11. Sul mar lath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleyne is in danger, again. Feelings are blossoming and intensifying. Is Eleyne safe anywhere?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, THANK YOU for kudos, hits, comments, any kind of feedback makes my day!!
> 
> Another story that has had reader inputs - one of my very favorites
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/16635467/chapters/39000965

The past few days had been difficult for her, to put it mildly. Whenever she was able to find sleep, the wolf was there, keeping her safe in her dreams, but she was often unable to fall asleep, and as such had difficulty concentrating on just about everything.

 

She was enjoying this, whatever it was that had started between Solas and herself, she enjoyed his company immensely, he was kind to her, gentle and affectionate. She had never experienced the like from a man.

 

The only true sad part, was that Jariri had withdrawn from her, she tried to question him, but he had gently shrugged her off, and avoided her. This time, however she knew he would not be able to avoid her for long.

 

“Jariri, please, tell me what I did wrong, please tell me how I lost your friendship.” she asked him one evening in the dining hall.

 

Sighing in defeat, he took her hand, “Walk with me, please Eleyne.” She did so eagerly, following him quietly. Once they reached what he had deemed to be a safe, quiet and secure area, he started speaking, unsure of how to begin. “I....this is difficult for me..please Eleyne, bear with me, while I try...” moving around nervously, he spoke She moved to hug him, he allowed it for a moment, only to wrench away from her “You are making this more difficult, As she tried to hug him, he relented, wrapping his arms around her and simply holding her, after a while, they let go, he started pacing in frustration, “I will be leaving Skyhold for a while, shortly, if you have ANY need of help, write to me, please! I will find you and I will help.” He left shortly after bidding her farewell, for now. Eleyne felt a strange sensation, almost as if something had been thrown past her at great speed, only to look in shock at the arrow that was lodged in the ground where she had been standing but moments before.

 

Her face paling, she took her leave of Jariri, picking up the arrow, she sought out Solas. “Fanor, I did not expect to see you again this evening, are you well?” he asked noticing her pale face, and the arrow she was clutching in her hand. She asked him if he knew who used those types of arrows. He replied that he thought it might be Leliana, but he was unsure. Concern apparent on his face, “Eleyne, have you been sleeping at all? I have been unable to locate you in the fade.”

 

Nervously biting her lip, “I have been able to fall asleep a few times”, smiling fondly at the memory of the wolf in her dreams, but other times, I find myself unable to. “How long has it been since you have been able to fall asleep?” concern lacing his voice.

 

Smiling at him sheepishly, “As I stand here, its been three days.” his eyes going wide at this, “Eleyne, this cannot continue, we must rectify this somehow, you cannot go without sleep for this long. It is dangerous to your health.”

 

“Do you have any suggestions, Solas, I am open to try, just about anything. I am tired, no, wait, I am exhausted.”

 

A faint blush coloring his cheeks, “I could aid you, in falling asleep. If that is your wish.”

 

Smiling at him gently. “I...I'd like that, Solas.”

 

That evening,as she readied for bed, a knock came to her door, she opened it to find Solas there, already dressed in the clothing she assumed he must sleep in. Lying down on her bed, she felt him join her, his arm wrapping around her waist from behind her and pulling her close. “Do not worry, I will behave myself.” she could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

 

“Thank you Solas, and uh, goodnight.” she nervously spoke

 

“Sleep well, Eleyne.” was the last thing she could recall him saying. She was asleep within moments.

 

She woke the next morning, feeling slightly confused, as she tried to turn over, the arm around her waist tightened for a moment, and she remembered. Solas had been with her during the night, that must be why she slept so well.

 

Turning a little, she lay looking at him, waiting for him to wake, some time later, he opened his eyes, which softened when he saw her. “I trust you slept well?” he asked, his voice still husky from sleep.

 

“I did, thank you Solas.” she replied, cupping the side of his face, his eyes closing at the touch. “Maybe w..we c..could repeat that...” she added with a nervous laugh.

 

Lacing their fingers together, he replied, “I would enjoy that.”

 

She simply lay there for a while, taking in his appearance, she was loath to break the comfortable silence, but she had to ask, “Solas, I...I have to ask, why me? I'm not an elf, and you...well, you can probably have any woman you want..”

 

He considered her carefully for a moment before speaking, “Eleyne, if I wished for different company, if it mattered to me at all that you are human, I would not have left the letters for you. I simply did not wish to alarm or frighten you away, I find you beautiful and captivating, both in spirit and appearance. Few that have been through what you have, will not only survive, but refuse to allow their spirit to be changed by it.”

 

She had been biting her lip nervously during his declaration, now, she did the only thing that felt **right** to her, she moved closer to him, and kissed him, she could not resist the temptation. His arms immediately wrapped around her, pulling her closer, after a few moments, he squeezed her a little tighter, causing her to gasp, this gave him the opportunity to deepen the kiss and he slipped his tongue into her mouth, tasting her as if it was the last thing he wished to do before he died. Eleyne had never experienced anything like this, her heart was racing and it felt as though the world was spinning faster than usual.

 

After what felt like hours, but could only have been moments, he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers, “Eleyne, I wish to see you happy, I do not know if I am the right man for that, but I find myself unable to stay away from you.” She could tell he was as affected by their kiss as she was. Staring into his eyes, she was unable to move, it felt as though she were drowning in his gaze.

 

Parting ways shortly after, he left to his studies, and she wandered around Skyhold for a while, unable to keep him out of her mind for any period of time.

 

**Solas POV**

 

He did not recall when, or how she had become so important to him, but he could no longer imagine any kind of future without her in it.

He had taken the arrow that had nearly harmed her the previous evening, intending to speak to the Inquisitor's advisors about it, and find out who had tried once again, to kill Eleyne. The thought terrified him, whoever it was, they had come close. He would not allow this to stand, even though he could not reveal himself. That thought, presented another dilemma, how would he even be able to tell her, if at all, who he really is? Inhaling deeply, trying to calm his nerve, he decided that he would have to tell her the truth, and have her decide for herself after, if she wished to have anything more to do with him, or not. He would abide with whichever decision she made.

 

Focusing on his task, he went to speak with the Commander, if anyone would be able to assist him in this, it would be him. Knocking on the door that lead to the Commander's office, being bade to enter after a moment, he steeled himself, and entered.

 

**Eleyne**

 

She could not stop smiling, nor thinking about him, he wanted **her**. The thought seemed an impossibility to her, not knowing what made her so special, for him to want to be with her, but she was not going to question it, she was happy, for the first time ever.

 

As she made her way across the garden, she saw Jariri, he appeared to be deep in thought, not even noticing her, she walked by him, touching his arm, but he was lost in his own world. Deciding to give him the space he clearly needed, she went to the rotunda in search of Solas, only, he was not there, and she ended up conversing with Dorian for a while, she truly liked him, he was good company and had an interesting sense of humor. She scanned the shelves for a book to read, coming upon one that seemed interesting, she settled down on one of the chairs and lost herself in the book, for a time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Which of the advisors are convinced that Eleyne is in danger from the Herald and Leliana?](https://vote.pollcode.com/44455982)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shenanigans and life for Eleyne in Thedas. Eleyne is told a story she's not heard before.

**Cassandra POV**

 

Solas had spoken to her, calmly and respectfully explaining that he believed the Inquisitor and Leliana were now going too far in their attempts to get rid of Eleyne, the girl had thus far done nothing to warrant any of their suspicions, had been co-operative and calm, training her magic with Solas, and as it now appeared, they were together. A soft, almost dreamy look appearing on her face at the last thought, she hoped they would find happiness. Shaking herself out of her reverie after a few moments, she squared her shoulders and knocked on Commander Cullen's office door.

 

**Solas POV**

 

He had gone looking for Eleyne, after his conversation with the Seeker, appreciating the woman's forthrightness, he somehow knew, she would do as she promised, to try her best to stop the Inquisitor's campaign against her. Somehow, she had been able to draw the Nightingale into her campaign for revenge or whatever is it she had against Eleyne. The Seeker promised she would help and she would enlist the Commander's aid in this matter.   
  
He could not understand how he had come to feel this strongly for a human, but he did not regret it. He was curious as to what she would do if she knew the truth about him, he would have to tell her and hope for the best, he did not wish to lie to her and lose her, of course, the risk of telling her and losing her besides was also great. When he did not find her in her usual haunts, he went to the library, only to find her asleep in one of the over-sized chairs, it seemed she had fallen asleep while reading. With a soft look in his eyes, he removed the book from her, gently picking her up and placing her on his bed, and removing her shoes, before he himself stripped down and put on soft cotton breeches. Climbing on the bed beside her, pulling her sleeping form close to him he breathed in the scent of her hair, falling asleep shortly after.

 

**Eleyne**

 

Waking up feeling warm and safe did not happen often for her, as she slowly lifted the arm over her waist and turned over, she immediately realized why she was feeling this way. Raising gentle fingertips to his face, now relaxed in sleep and looking far younger than it normally did, she could not resist touching the smooth skin, he nuzzled a little into her touch, before opening his eyes, blinking sleepily at her, when his eyes focused, her breath was stolen by the enormity of the affection she saw as his gaze fell on her.

 

“Morning, Solas.” she whispered quietly. He smiled at her softly, drawing her close to his chest, “Good morning ma'fanor.” his voice still husky with sleep. “Did you sleep well?” he asked, his hand stroking down her back. Feeling safer and happier than she had in many years, Eleyne replied, “I did, what a pleasant surprise to wake up to.” drawing back from him a little so as to look in his eyes.

 

“Is that so, what surprise might that be, I wonder?”, Solas asked with amusement obvious in his voice.  
Pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth, “Why, you holding and sleeping next to me, of course, I did not expect it.” Pressing their lips together he kissed her with all the affection and love he was feeling, projecting all his emotions in to her, it surprised him when she did not only feel his emotions, but reciprocated, letting him know exactly how safe and loved she felt with him.

 

After getting ready for the day together, they leave to have breakfast, only for Sera to come up to Eleyne, “Yeah, you're all magicky, but you're alright you are, not hurting anyone, if Inky or that Spymaster hurts you I'll hurt them back, yeah.” Leaving as quickly as she had appeared, Eleyne was a little shocked at the suddenness of the declaration, but a little relieved, it meant that at least she was not imagining the Inquisitor and Leliana's hostility towards her. She smiled at Solas and laced their fingers together.  


She had gone to the tavern to visit with Varric, because he could usually be found there, but he was busy, so she sat talking to Dalish, for a time, after telling her about the wolf that had been appearing in her dreams, Dalish appeared to be alarmed and frightened. When Eleyne questioned her about this she simply replied, “You're dreaming about the Dread Wolf, he's the one that locked away our Gods, causing us to become mortal like the humans, we place statues of him at the edges of our camps to keep away evil.” Eleyne tried to reassure her that she was not afraid of him, merely curious, but Dalish insisted that she was in danger, “I have this amulet, keep it near your bed, it will keep him from your dreams.” When Eleyne protested, “Please, Eleyne, it will let me feel better, at least knowing that he cannot reach you anymore.” With a sigh, Eleyne accepted the amulet, not wanting the other woman to feel bad.

 

That night, as she was getting ready for bed, Solas came to her room, finding her only in her shift, he closed the door behind him. “May I join you in your bed this evening, fanor?” When she nodded enthusiastically, he smiled, already in sleeping clothes, he did not need to leave again. Going to lie down on her bed, his eye caught the necklace tied to one of the bedposts near his head, his heart racing as he examined it, he asked Eleyne “Eleyne, do you know what this necklace is for?” She shrugged a little, and told him, “Dalish gave it to me, when I told her about the visitor I've been having in my dreams, she told me its to ward against the Dread Wolf, whoever that is apparently. I told her he doesn't frighten me, but she insisted I take the necklace. I did so to appease her. Nothing more.”  
  
**Solas POV**

 

His eyes fixed on hers, a very intense expression on his face, “Does he truly not frighten you, not even a little?” Placing a cool hand against his cheek, she replied. “No, he does not. He's not harmed me, so I have no reason to fear him. He actually allows me to lie against him and snuggle in his fur. I feel safe around him. Protected.”

 

Gazing in her eyes, he could immediately tell she wasn't lying, “Fanor, you have a unique spirit, to not fear something that the Dalish revile and slander, even after being told of the reason why.”

 

A curious look on her face at his words, “Well, Dalish did tell me that he locked away their gods, but I think that he must have had a reason to do that. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that, I suppose. Its not easy to make the hard decisions, stories get told but change with every telling.

 

A relieved look in his eye, pulled her down on the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around her, gazing into her eyes for a long moment before claiming her lips with his own, his tongue teasing at her bottom lip, she promptly gave him the access he needed, he tasted her, exploring her mouth as if he would die if he could not be close to her, his hands roaming over her body, pulling her as close as she could possibly be. His mind and heart reeling with emotions he had not felt for a millenia.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Solas tell Eleyne the truth or does she realize it herself?
> 
>  
> 
> ***************************************************************************************************************************
> 
> No poll this week, but it will return shortly, I promise.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get ... warm.

Waking up early the next morning, only to find Solas still sleeping next to her, Eleyne lay there for a while, just enjoying him being nearby. After a while he started stirring, blinking his eyes sleepily, “Morning fanor, where do you think you are going?” He asked her as she was trying to get up.

 

“Why, I was planning to fetch you breakfast, and then rejoin you until we absolutely had to get up.” she replied with a twinkle in her eye. Raising an eyebrow at her, he shifted a little, pulling her flush against him, his hands roaming under her shift.

 

His lips sought hers, the kiss growing heated rapidly. After some time, neither was certain how long, he moved with her slowly, so she was now pinned beneath him. Kissing her until she was breathless, he slipped his hands under her shift again, caressing her sides gently before sliding up and covering her breasts gently, stroking the undersides with his thumbs, a shiver passing through her at the gentle touch. Emboldened by her reaction, he helped her to sit up, pulling her shift up and off over her head.

 

Lying back beneath him, now only in small-clothes, Eleyne felt warm and tingly all over at the expression on his face. Pulling his own tunic off, he fell forward on his hands, pressing their now bare chests together. His lips finding hers for a brief kiss before moving, first to trace her jawline, the lobe of her ear, down her throat. Tracing a path down to her breasts, lightly teasing the peak of one, he closed his lips around the other, suckling gently, teasing with the very tip of his tongue.

 

When he raised his head from her breast he sat back on his heels, examining her face, his heart stuttered in his chest when he realized her eyes have been on him this whole time, her pupils dilated to near all black.

 

Her hands grew bold and she slid a hand up and down his stomach before teasing it downwards, brushing his length from outside his breeches. His answering hiss only seemed to egg her on, and she caressed him until he could resist no longer, after quickly divesting himself of his breeches, he moved to lay next to her, a hand sliding down between her breasts, over her stomach and down between her legs, finding her wet and wanting for him already, “Fanor, I cannot resist any longer, you must tell me now if this is not something you wish.”

 

Her voice a little more high pitched as she spoke, his ministrations quickly driving her to the edge of her pleasure, “Please don't stop...I want you...” He was aching for her, and the last restraint he had on his control snapped as he heard the words being spoken.

 

He was kissing her gently as he slipped first one finger, then another inside her. Moving his fingers gently, his thumb teasing at her little bundle of nerves, soft moans were escaping her. His breath panting and skin severely flushed, he removed his fingers from her gently, shifting her down more comfortably, he lay over her, positioning her legs around his hips.

 

Her heart absolutely racing in her chest, as she watched him above her, she realized one thing, she loves him. She may not know everything about him, but nobody will capture her heart in this way again.

 

After he positioned himself at her entrance, he leaned down to kiss her, “Are you ready, ma'fanor?”

After she nodded at him without hesitation, he pushed inside of her slowly and evenly, the tightness of her walls making him sensitive beyond belief. A ragged moan escaped him when he had bottomed out, he was having to concentrate to keep from spilling too soon, it had been too long for him since he felt the touch of another.

 

Wrapping her legs tightly around his waist after he bottomed out inside her, their eyes met and her walls contracted around his length tightly, the sensation making him hiss.

 

Keeping his eyes on hers, he started moving slowly inside her, barely pulling out before thrusting again, her hands scrabbling at his back to pull him closer, the pressure inside her rapidly reaching its peak as his thrusts, though remaining gentle, were increasing in speed and intensity.

 

Looking into his eyes once more, her right hand came up to trace along his ear to the tip, the ensuing groan of pleasure he released tipping her over the edge, her walls contracting around him rhythmically, their mutual pleasure and pressure increasing until, with a loud growl, he released inside her.

 

Their eyes closed, they did not see the sudden glow emanting from her skin, 'threads' appearing to link their hearts before the glow and appearance of the threads faded away. The aftershocks of their combined pleasure making them moan all over again.

 

Withdrawing from her gently, he almost fell to the bed next to her, pulling her tightly against him. They soon fell asleep, waking a few hours later and preparing for the day, each having things of their own they needed to do, parting with a kiss and a promise to see each other later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE  
> PLEASE  
> PLEASE, pretty pretty please, leave me a comment and tell me if you loved, hated, reviled, adored, anything about this chapter. All feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Also, please be kind. This was my first scene like this, ever.


	14. Curiosity killed the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding herself frustrated and somewhat bored while Solas is on the road with the Inquisitor, Eleyne spends some time in the library and comes upon an interesting book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being gone for so long!! Hopefully my writers block is something of the past now, and I will try my best to crank out chapters more often. 
> 
> Please remember to vote at the end of the chapter!

Eleyne spent much of her time the following few weeks in the library, seeing as Solas was currently on the road with the Inquisitor, she did not have much to do with her time, she was reading book after book until she was too exhausted to do so any longer and then retired to the room she now thought of as hers and Solas'. 

She had come upon a certain, very dusty section of books, and decided to reorganize and reshelf them after cleaning them properly. Dorian grew interested in what she was doing quickly, and came to help. Although his version of helping, was holding a handkerchief over his nose to avoid the dust and telling her where to shelf which book, or where she had missed a spot in her dusting. 

She came upon a very old looking book with decorative vines covering the leather covering of the book, it seemed to have been a precious book by the way the leather was taken care of, yet dusty after lying here for so long. Gingerly cleaning the outside, she took a quick peek at the author, but found none. It seemed to be a journal of some kind. She put it to one side and finished her work. After several hours, her back ached and she felt filthy, but to her delight, the books were re-shelved and cleaned. 

After visiting the baths that evening, she headed back to their room and sat crosslegged on the bed and read the book. It spoke of a Dalish god, she had heard Dalish from Bull's crew mention a few of them, but she hadn't truly taken note of any of them. Now she found herself curious. This was written in Common, but had a few Elvhen phrases in between. She wondered if Solas would be able to decipher it for her when he returned. She found several references to Fen'Harel having created the Veil. She knew what the fade and the veil were, but she was not as knowledgeable as others. Feeling frustrated, she instead sought to ask Dorian for his aid, the next day. 

Falling asleep quickly, the familiar wolf she had not seen in her dreams for quite some time, appeared once more, this time he shadowed her wherever she moved, as though watching over her, protecting her even - some would say.

Waking early the next morning, she took her breakfast, almost bouncing in excitement, the book resting next to her on the table as she ate. Afterwards she quickly made her way to the library and looked for Dorian. Lamenting the fact that of course he would not be up this early. So she took another book, and sat down and waited for him to appear in his usual haunt. 

When he finally showed up, dressed and groomed to perfection, as usual, she let a fleeting sigh of jealousy escape her and went to talk to him. He was excited at the idea of research and immediately suggested books they could read to translate the phrases she could not. Though Solas had started teaching her Elvhen, she still had much to learn. 

After some hours of research and much reading, she and Dorian were both exhausted but finally had a discernible list of what the translations meant. They said that Fen'Harel comes to people as an unassuming mage, talking of spirits and the fade. Eleyne frowned as they reviewed some of their findings, as that fact rather bothered her, but she could not put her finger on why exactly it bothered her so. 

Carefully writing down the translated phrases, and taking the journal with her to her room once more that night, she sat down at the small desk by lantern light and tried to decipher and understand more. After a few hours, she gave up, and wondered if the wolf in her dreams could perhaps be Fen'Harel, as he was known as the dread wolf, after all. Eleyne wondered if he would run, or become angry with her if she stopped to talk to him, and perhaps even asked him a few questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [How will Eleyne find the answers she seeks?](https://vote.pollcode.com/39348898)


	15. Curiosity killed the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleyne goes exploring, what will she find?

Eleyne spent the next few days reading and re-reading the notes she and Dorian had managed to take on the Elvhen phrases in the journal. Becoming frustrated, she decided to explore a little and so, headed made her way through the keep, exploring empty rooms she came across, but staying out of other people's quarters. She had taken to wandering at all hours of the night and had run into Cullen quite a few times. After several times of this, she realized that he was indeed kind and patient and took to speaking with him more often, when she was not exploring or reading in the library.

On a particularly cold day, while she had been exploring down a corridor she had not been down before, she came upon a door that gave her an odd feeling as she passed it, almost a feeling of belonging, homecoming. Try as she might, however, she could not open the door. Struggling with the old handle, she thought of why this specific door might be locked or if it was simply hard to open due to age and disuse. A small cut must have formed on her palm, she yanked her hand away as she felt the sting and to her surprise, she heard the door unlock.

Opening the door carefully, she entered the room, not quite knowing what to expect. She froze when she reached the centre of the room and looked around in amazement. It was far larger than she had originally anticipated, and held a large bed draped in furs at the backwards centre of the room, near a pair of large windows that let in plenty of light. A desk was pushed against one wall, while the rest were lined with shelves which contained a variety of items, among these books, scrolls and journals. Taking one from a shelf, which surprised her at how clean it was, she opened it and recognized Solas' handwriting. Frowning, she replaced the book, and wandered around the room a little more, curiousity winning over apprehension.

Finding a chest of clothing, she carefully unpacks the clothing, finding clothing she imagines Solas would wear, unassuming, comfortable and simple in make. Though with slightly richer fabrics. As she packs away the clothing, the scent from a specific green tunic causes her to stop, she brings it closer to her and inhales the scent, her senses immediately filled with his familiar and beloved scent. Feeling very confused, she packs it away carefully and closes the chest. Checking a wardrobe across the room next, she comes upon more clothing, some more grand than the ones in the chest, and a few staves neatly placed in the tall wardrobe.

Closing the wardrobe, she starts studying a few of the scrolls and books littering the desk and shelves. Finding a book hidden beneath some others in the desk, she opens it and leafs through a variety of sketches, one by one, until she nearly drops the book in shock when she comes upon a sketch of herself, with the word Falon'saota written beneath it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something odd happens and Solas returns

A few days after finding the strange room, Eleyne was busy reading in the library when she felt a sudden sharp stab of pain in her upper left arm. She ignored it at first, but the pain grew steadily worse and a minute or two later, she could barely see the words on the page before her, her eyes suddenly unable to focus and her breath coming in quick pants. Setting the book aside, she desperately tried to stand, to at least get back to their room in case she fainted, as she had no wish to cause any kind of disturbance, but as soon as she stood - she fainted dead away.

 

When next she woke, she was woken by someone speaking close to her, asking a person who's voice she recognized as one of the healers in the infirmary when she'd wake up and what had happened, as there had not been any wounds or marks found on her. The healer replied that they were unable to discern what happened and what was wrong, but they were doing their best to figure it out. Opening her eyes, she tried to sit up but was pressed down gently yet firmly. "Dear, I hope you know now that the floor in the library is a dreadfully uncomfortable place to rest." She smiled at Dorian's usual sarcasm, "What happened? The last thing I remember is the pain, and then it got worse, and after that ... nothing."

 

Dorian stared at her, curiosity evident in his gaze, "I found you passed out in the library, dear. I tried waking you but you wouldn't wake. I brought you here immediately after." Her expression was mortified, "Oh, I'm so very sorry Dorian. Thank you for that." Dorian waved it away and smirked, "Think nothing of it, darling. Just choose a more comfortable place to rest next time, won't you?" With that he winked at her and left, leaving her alone for the moment.

 

She turned to the healer and softly asked when she could leave, and was told that she could leave anytime that she felt able to. She thanked her and the other healers profusely and took a slow walk back to her and Solas' room. She wondered what the strange pain, which she could still feel - though it was not as intense as it had been before - meant.

 

The pain quickly eased over the next few hours and was completely gone by the next morning. She had been walking along the battlements when she heard people shouting that the Inquisitor and her party had returned. A great surge of joy spread through her at once and she ran to the gates to see their approach and greet Solas. She did not expect the happiness she saw on his face when he spotted her, but she stayed back and waited patiently for the Inquisitor to dismiss them and for him to come to her.

 

When he reached her, he kissed her soundly, to the snickers and great delight of the people around them. Stroking down the side of her face with a single finger, he gestured for her to walk with him, linking his arm with hers. The spoke about a variety of topics until they reached their room. She smiled at him and sat down on the bed, patting the spot beside her for him to sit and rest, knowing he must be exhausted. After spending quite some time talking and later having a meal sent up from the kitchen, they went to have a bath and went to bed. Cuddled close together, they fell asleep and woke early the next morning with their limbs tangled together.

 

She suddenly sat up, remembering about the odd book in the library and stood to fetch it and show it to him. He opened it and her notes on the Elvhen phrases she could not understand fell out. He read it and his eyebrow rose in curiosity, "Ma lath, what is this?" She smiled and explained to him exactly what had taken place in the library and the research she and Dorian had done. When he didn't speak, she continued on and told him about the odd room she had found that reminded her so much of him, as well as the book with the sketch. When she looked up at him she was alarmed to see that he had paled significantly, as if he had seen a ghost or his worst nightmare had just come true.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!!
> 
> I hope to start updating more regularly, my muse has been cooperating nicely.

**Solas POV**

 

He told her. He told her everything, but he had not in his wildest dreams been able to predict how she would react. While she had been listening, her only reactions had been seen in the pallor of her skin and the widening of her eyes, after he was done, she politely requested a few moments to herself and left their room, closing the door behind her softly. She might as well have slammed it closed for the reaction it had on his heart and mind. Her withdrawal from him was a physical ache, one he was not sure he could or even wanted to be able to endure.

 

He was curious about the impulse to run after her and hold her as close as he could physically get her, his heart beating unsteadily and almost painfully in his chest at the realisation that his heart, his fanor – had fled from _him_.

 

Taking a few deep breaths to steady himself, he went back to the rotunda and found himself unable to focus on his work for the moment, yet persisted – simply to try and forget about the crushing ache in his chest, for the moment. He would speak to her later once she had calmed down and processed all the new information she had received.

 

It had almost turned dark when he felt her aura nearby, a sudden feeling of joy lancing through him, he hurried to her, only to find her pale and drawn, she was sitting on the floor outside the space he normally occupied, as if she wished to be close – but not so close that she would disturb or upset him.

 

He knelt in front of her and with a gentle finger under her chin, drew her gaze to his, her eyes widened momentarily when she saw him, before tears filled them. She reached for him, her heart in her eyes, though she seemed hesitant to touch him at first, she cupped his cheek and released a shuddering breath as the tears in her eyes finally started to fall. Drawing her gently into his arms, he held her as she sobbed, his own eyes suspiciously damp. He realized after some time that she had calmed down, as her sobbing had ceased and her breathing had become slightly more even, though she was clinging to him as if he might disappear.

 

Drawing back from her slightly so he might look at her, he drew a gentle finger down her cheek before pressing a kiss to her forehead. He waited for her to speak, wondering what she might think of everything.

 

**Eleyne POV**

 

She watched him, she could practically see the fear and apprehension in his eyes. Aching to reassure him, but needing him to know how hurt she was that he had kept this secret from her for so very long, she checked the area they were sitting in to ensure they were alone, as she had an idea that Solas did not wish the information about him to reach the wrong people here in Skyhold.

 

She managed a small smile at him and gestured with her hand, “Help me up – I think we should probably discuss this elsewhere. Our room should be perfect for this purpose, and I'm almost sure you can ward it to ensure nobody else can hear anything we discuss, am I right?”

 

**Solas POV**

 

Her adamant reminder about _their_ room made his heart race for a moment. For just a moment, he believed that this meant he did not ruin everything, that perhaps their was a chance she understood, for the moment – at least – he would allow himself the joy of being with her. She would likely not survive what he had planned for this world. A small voice in the back of his head told him that she might survive as of yet, were she with him. He dismissed it for now, and stood – gently pulling her into a standing position with him and drawing her arm through his before walking her to the room they shared.

 

They reached their room without preamble or distraction and she went to sit down on the bed almost immediately, holding up her hand she spoke softly - “Before I start – I need to ask you something. Were you injured when you were away?”

 

**Eleyne POV**

 

He felt the blood drain from his face at the very pointed question and nodded. She did the same and disrobed only enough to show him the reddened mark on her arm, told him of her reaction and what had happened, how she was unsure of what had happened before she fainted from the pain. She quietly asked him what this meant and he shook his head, indicating that he would answer that question after she had spoken her piece.

 

She watched him avidly for a few long moments and keeping her eyes downcast started speaking. “I found a room that I had never seen before, the moment I touched the door I now know was warded – it opened and let me inside. I had the most overwhelming feeling of _you_ in that room, stronger than in any other room I had ever been in. But with what you told me after your return, before I ran off – I think I understand now. I know – from what I found in the library that you're supposed to be a great evil for the Dalish people – but I choose to trust my own judgement, and not the judgement of a people who don't know most of their history. You've been nothing but kind, generous, patient and loving with me since we met and I choose that. I know there is likely another side of you – but I take the good with the bad, I love you and I will _not_ abandon you.”

 

He was pale, shaking and his eyes were wide – she felt alarmed for a long moment, wondering what she said wrong, before he turned her to face him, his arms wrapping around her tightly and his face burying itself in her neck. A few moments she felt wetness against her neck and realized that she had driven him to tears. Wondering how she could help, she stroked over his back softly, soft words of comfort escaping her, even though she was unsure if he could hear her at that moment.

 

When he drew back from her slightly, she barely had time to speak before he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly, “Solas … did I say something wrong?”

 

His voice was undsteady when he replied. “No, fanor. You give me everything I ever wanted. Love and acceptance – not for who I could be, but as I am. You change _everything_.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Voting will remain open until 12 pm CAT every Friday after a chapter is posted  
> *****************************************************************************************************************************  
> Thanks from the bottom of my heart to all that deem this worthy to read, or leave kudos!!  
> I really appreciate it!!


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